Friday, September 11, 2009

Today’s Outlook: Poor

I am at work now, after my early morning monitoring, and my blood is starting to boil. The more I think about what’s happening here, the more irritated I get. WHY am I in this boat again? “Wow, you’re really slow to respond to the drugs”, said the pessimistic blood work girl who never fails to put me in a bad mood. I guess there’s always one at each clinic…a tone or an attitude or something that makes you feel like she kind of enjoys seeing you squirm. I can’t help but think she gets a small amount of satisfaction when things aren’t up to snuff…she tends to mention the bad things more often than celebrate the good.

I’m usually sickly nice and non-problematic, but enough is enough. I said “why am I here then? Why am I continuing with this IVF if I’m not responding as I should?” I was under the very distinct impression that this doc was going to be different – that he was going to monitor me as we go along, and pull the plug should it not be the best possible set of circumstances. I don’t want to be toying with cancellation – that’s what I’ve always done in the past. I feel like I’ve been fucked again. She immediately started back peddling, she said “well today your numbers might be up, and then we’ll be having a completely different conversation.” Thanks for nothing.

Then I happened upon my horoscope on the subway…

“Something will happen today that shocks you, but looking back you will realize that you should have seen it coming.”
Need I say more?