Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Mighty Nickole

Well here we go - barring some unforeseen catastrophe, Nickole's our girl! Wish we could just get on with it, but a little thing we call Xmas gets in the it looks like it will be a late January transfer. Seems so far away, but I know it will be here before we know it.

I've met Nickole twice now and I can't tell you how happy I am that things with Amber fell through. It was just so easy and comfortable, right off the bat, and our phone conversations seem endless, like we could talk for hours. She's as cute as a button, all 5'1&3/4", 108 lb's of her...but don't be fooled by her stature, I get the impression she's small but mighty...kindof like me...Mighty Mouse.

Nothing we've thrown at her yet has phased her...and I think her personality is perfect for this monumental a task. She seems impossible to annoy, and gets a kick out of just about everything. Her first visit to the clinic involved endless paperwork and a vaginal ultrasound. I assumed she would just go in herself, assumed she would need or want privacy, but nope...she wanted me in there which was GREAT - I really want to be a part of everything, and she is completely on board with that. The second visit involved a bit more of an invasive exam, which included inserting a catheter up and over her cervix (not the most comfortable thing in the world) into her uterus with a little balloon on the end so they could see on the monitor what her uterus looked like... perfect so far - nothing inhospitable about it. She joked her way through it, and didn't complain once. With her legs spread wide in stirrups, she asked that the doctor warn her before doing anything that might hurt, and said something along the lines of, you'd better, or you might find me sitting in your lap. Just the visual of that was enough to make me laugh out loud. Even the doc, who was very different with me and who often seemed to have little to no patience, was amused by her constant sarcasm and quips. You can't not love this girl - she's unique to say the least....and entertaining.

Chris and I went for our counseling session with the psychologist, and although she was great, I left there feeling very overwhelmed. Until this point, I've been thinking a pregnancy is the end goal...and well right now it is - just to get to that point would be a miracle, but of course the psychologist is there to virtually walk us through the entire process. I hadn't thought about birth plans and midwives...and was completely wrong about thinking I had to "adopt" the baby from Nickole, as she is the birth mother, and legally I thought the birth mother was the official mother until adoption, but that's not the case. We are to get a "Declaration of Parentage" through the courts. Apparently this involves our lawyer going before a judge with DNA from all of us, and paperwork that proves our intention to be the parents, and this is how we are granted rights to the baby. Chris is obviously the genetic father, but I am not genetically connected... but I think this would have to occur even if it was my own genetics...this is just the process. Something I hadn't heard about before, so I was a bit caught off guard. But this will be the way of the next 10 months - I'm sure there's going to be a lot that will catch me off guard having never done this before. I'm going to have to stay calm and roll with it all.

So things are looking really good. The only thing we have to finalize now is the legal agreement, and I have a first draft that Chris and I have to review and send back to the lawyer, which I hope to do this weekend.

Chris and I will meet Nickole and her family on December 12th for a little get together at a childrens indoor playground...that way the kids can run around while we have a good chat. I'm really looking forward to meeting all of them!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A Bad Day, and I'm CRANKY

You'd think with all the psych evaluations Chris and I have had to do and the 5-month long invasive $5,000 adoption home study, complete with police reports, we'd be cleared to adopt little baby aliens should their leaders decide to land themselves on earth. But now with surrogacy, we find ourselves needing to do yet ANOTHER psych evaluation. I am beyond FURIOUS. It's a cash grab at this point, to the tune of 800 dollars! That's for N and for us. Both of us...$400 each. Please.


So let me get this addition to the thousands of dollars we have had to fork over for fertility treatments, to no avail I might add, we now have to prove ONCE GAIN, that we are fit to parent, when teenagers with no income and no sense and no experience can get pregnant by sitting on a toilet seat?? I'm not SAYING that teenagers should have licenses to have babies, I'm simply asking, why do WE have to?? Chris and I are decent human beings, others can attest to this. We have good jobs, live in a nice house fit for a family...Why do we have to be evaluated??! Seriously pisses me off people!

I'm tired.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

One door SLAMS, another flings open...

I feel like I'm repeating myself. I'm almost certain I've posted a similar title, but it seems to be the way of my life. Last week I sent Amber a chilly "take care" with nothing to it. I didn't want to email back my disappointment or anger, and give her an easy out, or have her continue the conversation. I think my lack of response was good. I'm sure she could care less anyway, now that she's got something else to move onto.

So I emailed Pagent that we needed to begin another search, and she said she had already been looking "just in case". Maybe she had a sense about Amber that I just couldn't see, but was too professional or polite to mention. I mean what could she say at the time?,"I don't think this is going to work out so I'll keep looking."

I didn't expect things to happen so quickly, but she said in her email back to me that she was interviewing a woman from Mississauga that evening on the phone. She gave me a brief description, and I waited for her follow up. She said that N (should I be using people's names??? I don't know...)was definitely interested and that she would be expecting an email from me. Now not more than a week later, this is fairly wrapped up. I spoke to N yesterday, and had a great chat with her - she's really easy to talk to, funny way about her, nice voice, completely open to talking about anything. She seems the perfect match so far. She has 3 children, and has been married to her husband for 10 years. She turns 31 in a few weeks. Her husband has had a vasectomy, which was music to my ears.

N wants to get moving as quickly as possible, which is a-ok by me. She's returned the intake form to Pagent, who will take it to Dr. A's office for preliminary approval. Then I would imagine she'll have some tests and ultrasounds to ensure she's a good candidate. We've agreed to a flat rate, and of course there are other potential expenses - should she be pregnant with twins, if she needs to stop working as a result of the pregnancy, etc. I'm confident we'll come up with something that feels comfortable for everyone.

I'm cautiously excited... and fairly confident (assuming Dr. A will approve her) that things will at least get to the transfer stage. Both N and I are pushing for a December transfer, but for all I know the timing around this could be impossible. Pagent was thinking January, and this might end up being the case and that's fine too.

Just another little step forward...