Monday, September 28, 2009

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Ok I GET that everyone is pregnant or off on mat leave…and I GET that I am a popular person around the work place…and I GET that people are genuinely happy for my friends who are (I'll repeat) ALL OFF ON MAT LEAVE , but what I don’t get is that I am constantly being questioned about everyone’s whereabouts. Here is a typical example of a conversation between me and a work acquaintance…

(note this is no one in particular)

Heeeey Lisa, how's it going?
Oh I'm fine, how are...
So, where’s ****?
Oh, she’s off on mat leave.
She is? OMG I didn’t even know she was pregnant! Wow…when did she have her baby?
Um…it was in the summer sometime.
OMG!! Really – that’s terrific! What did she have?
A boy.
A boy!! What a miracle! What did they name him?
Hitler
What a BEE-EAUTIFUL name. Where did they get that from?
(OH I don’t effing know…honestly why would I know this? Make something up…) I think it was her grandfather’s name.
Oooh (sigh) it’s lovely to keep the names in the family don’t you think? What about ***** - where is she these days?
Um, yep she’s off on mat leave.
Oh wonderful! So they can get together and have play dates!
Yyyep.
And what about that other girl in HR…what was her name again? ****? Whatever happened to her?
She’s off on mat leave.
OMG YOU’RE JOKING! Wow – don’t drink the water around here!!! BWAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!
“ha… ha-ha.” (Trust me it doesn’t work)

This goes on for what seems like an eternity. Trust me when I say I am not a poor sport – I think its great that they are all pregnant and off and enjoying their little ones…but does it have to always be me that gets grilled as to the whereabouts of my fertile work friends? Talk about rubbing salt in a wound!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You ARE a GREAT sport and a fantastic writer. You made me burst out laughing, although, i know, it's a sad post. I think you should put up some signs on those desks, no ?
L

Kirsten, Chris, Jacob and Sarah said...

Please tell me that Hilter was a made up name???!

Anonymous said...

That's absolutely hilarious, you know how to keep your audience entertained, and we all need humour in our lives .... the way you write, I can actually picture the conversations in my head, that makes you a gifted writer, thank you for that.

Kimberly Ann said...

LOL! I'm so glad that you can still find the humor in this absurd situation! Still saying prayers for your "Hitler" to come soon! :P