Sunday, October 31, 2010

Twenty Five Year Olds

I'm sorry to all 25 year olds who think they are emotionally mature, and I'm sure there a few of you who TRULY might just be, but there are always one or two who ruin it for the rest. If you're 25 and reading this post, and have your back are a few words for you. I DON'T CARE.

I tried to give A the benefit of the doubt, although in hind sight, when I spoke to her on the phone, she did not seem to speak like a 25 year old - much older in fact, and it didn't quite ring true. It reminded me of a young person trying to appear like a woman who had her shit together.

Why do I sound so angry at the 25 year olds of the world? Because not only did she shatter my dreams of a surrogacy arrangement going smoothly, but she double-whammied me with a pregnancy announcement. The girl went off the pill FOR ME, and proceeded to have sex without protection, even though I joked (not really) to "wear a condom!" the weekend she was getting together with her boyfriend. Ergo, 25 year olds simply cannot be trusted to take a matter so incredibly important, seriously.

The funny part about the newsy email I received from A, was one line in particular, "Please don't get discouraged by this... maybe this was a way for you to bring up your confidence that this is going to happen for you." Did she really just write that this experience should boost my confidence? lol

So there you have it. Yet another door slammed in my face.


...stay tuned.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I've Become Lame

Chris just read my post and said "good babe". I said, "I used to be funny." which he...found funny.

I'm trying to bring back the sense of humor to these posts, because it's way more the way I want to write. It's just hard sometimes to find the lighter side of things...especially when the posts are more about logistics. I need to get back into the thick of things. SHE made for some good material, and...well I can't deny I'm a little excited to get back to the clinic for some good ol' fashioned abuse. Maybe Dr. A will yell at me again!

Introducing the Project Team...The "Group of Seven"

For most people, having a baby takes two. In our case, it takes seven. Chris and I are the obvious first - the Project Managers of this team. The Coordinator, Pat, will help pull all the pieces of the together within the allotted time frame. Dr. Auyeung, the Engineer, will use a technique known as IVF to help us achieve our goal of success. S & A have been critical Team Players, dedicating their time and effort to the project with unquestioned determination. We also have Sponsors, who have been instrumental in allowing us to continue to achieve our goals and stay within budget.

This is how it feels right now. Like a project we are far from completing.

BUT, this is is how we continue to scramble our way out of what feels like a sinking ship. For me right now, this is a job - ensuring all the pieces of the puzzle are in place and that everyone is ready to get down to work.


Thanksgiving Monday

In just a few hours I'll be speaking with A. It will be our first phone chat and I hope that it goes smoothly. She has committed 100% to us, and has had her phone consult with Pat, the Agent. Pat relayed that she agrees - she is the ideal person to be a surrogate. A's never done this before, but she doesn't seem to have any fear or anxiety or anything about it at all...she just seems excited and wants to get on with it. When I (sheepishly) told her about progesterone suppositories, hoping I wasn't going to scare her off, she replied, "Lisa, nothing is going to scare me away." She is determined it would seem and again, I just can't believe my luck in finding good people. At least that's something!

Maybe I should become an agent. Who better to represent a company than someone who has gone what I've gone through? But let's not get ahead of ourselves, there are no guarantees here...just a little more hope.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

What is it about Gospel Music?

Years ago, my roommate Brian and I visited Janice in San Francisco...she had moved there a couple of years earlier and had invited us down for a week to see the sights. On Sunday morning she said she had a surprise for us. She dragged us out of bed, across the city and to this unassuming building in the middle of downtown where with great satisfaction she announced, "we're going to CHURCH!" - the Glide Memorial Church, actually. None of us being particularly religious, I wondered what on earth she was up to...but then the choir sang, and IT WAS INCREDIBLE. I can't remember if I bawled on the outside, but I remember being completely choked up on the inside and truth be told, a little embarrassed by my reaction. After all, everyone else was clapping and swinging and singing and there I was a bubbling mass of emotion. There was just something about the collective energy, the amazing voices, the acoustics. I was so moved by it all... She knew I would be.

To this day, I can't listen to gospel without getting choked up... I love the stuff and I'm proud to admit it.

(And YES, I just watched Glee...and that's what reminded me of that story. So what.)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Close your Eyes and Jump

So as you know, I contacted an agent to help me search for a surrogate - that was about a month ago. She had some vacation planned, and we had some vacation she would touch base with us when she returned from her trip. She contacted me to tell me she had a potential surrogate, but that this surrogate couldn't start until next June. As you can imagine, this wasn't really what I wanted to hear. I asked her to continue her search, and I haven't heard anything since.

Before I contacted the agent, I joined a "surrogate mom's" online forum, mostly to see what the deal was...what people were talking about, what was out there in the way of surrogates, and information about compensation, if any. I immediately received a PM from a woman who lived in NS, but our criteria didn't align. She wished me well, and vice versa, and for a month I didn't hear a thing. With the agent actively searching on our behalf, I put my faith in her and didn't go back to the surrogates online forum.

Mere minutes after receiving the email from my agent about the woman who couldn't start in June, and feeling really quite discouraged about it all, I received an email from a woman on the online forum. She asked me if I was still interested in GS, and if so to read her information page. At first glance she seemed perfect, other than the fact that she didn't live in Toronto...BUT she isn't far either. Keep in mind this forum, and most of them, are across Canada and the US, and in some cases to find someone who is just a short plane ride away, and within our province, is pretty good in the grand scheme of things. I contacted her right away and told her we were still looking, and she said to send her an email with our "story". I said in the email I would give her the "Coles Notes" version, but of course I am long winded and rambly, so it ended up a novel. It was worth it because it was cathartic, and anyway, I wanted her to know our story from the beginning. Actually considering all we've been through, it was fairly brief - even if it was a novel!

Within a day she emailed me back - and just like S, I got instantly excited that I may have found the right person. Her email was warm, empathetic, fun, energetic, excited, full of passion to want to do this for a couple who can't. I couldn't believe how much she was like me in her writing style, completely open, LONG AND RAMBLY, and putting it all out there. Since that first interaction, we have emailed back and forth enough for a small book, and I can't believe my luck in finding good people! Wish that luck would extend to other parts of my life, but we'll start with this.

She lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario, which is a small town on the north end of Lake Superior. A long drive north (about 17 hours), but a fairly quick and reasonable flight (about $300). She got pregnant with her first child at the age of 19, and shortly thereafter got married. During her marriage, she had a 2nd child, and has since been divorced. She and her ex have a good relationship and raise the kids together. She wants to be a nurse and is attending Lakehead University. She's 25. She loved being pregnant, and has always wanted to be a gestational surrogate for a couple like us...or a gay couple or a single woman...she was open to all arrangements, but needed it to "feel right". I think we feel AMAZING so far, about our connection and what we're about to do. She's excited, I'm excited (and a tad scared to death)... Chris...well he deals with things differently than I do, and certainly isn't against it, but he just needs a bit more time to get his head around it all. I'm the organizer, in constant search, and so fully immersed in it all... so to him it may feel quick, and I understand that. On the other hand, if we're doing this, we need to move quickly to secure our arrangement. Keep in mind that A is the PERFECT surrogate at glance, and that there are likely other couples vying for fact I know this by looking on the site - there is a lot of interest.

There are still many things to discuss, some which may be deal-breakers, but it seems to be falling into place. It does have a ring of "too good to be true" about it, but I'm going to stay positive and hope everything will align.

Her one concrete stipulation is that both (or one) of us lives in Thunder Bay for the final month of the pregnancy. Actually, she wants "final trimester, or at least 6-8 weeks", but I hope we can agree to a month. I doubt both of us will be able to go, but I see Chris flying in the last week or so, to ensure he's there for the delivery. These things are non-negotiable, so if we want to go in this direction, we have to make this work.

It's not going to be easy, but I think it's going to be amazing.

Fingers crossed.