Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Fertilization Report

I am so scared to write anything positive for fear I might jinx the entire thing, but I can't deny that things have taken a turn for the better. I find myself asking "Is my luck finally turning around?" but then I quickly shake the thought out of my head for fear it will come back to haunt me. This is how 4 years of infertility affects the psyche. 4 years of awful and invasive treatment. 4 years of watching everyone I know announce their pregnancies with such excitement. 4 years of being left out. 4 years of cold hearted nurses who couldn't care less. 4 years of disappointment. 4 years of putting every ounce of energy I have towards this cause. For this reason it's hard for me to get excited. Chris said to me the other day, "37 honey - why don't you seem very excited about this?" I felt bad because although I was very pleased, I probably wasn't celebrating that small victory like I should have been, but there's so many hurdles to get through in this process...this is just the beginning.

I'm happy to report, however, that of the 37 follicles retrieved from S on Sunday, 28 of them were mature!!! Of those 28 mature eggs, 23 fertilized normally. Of those 23 that fertilized normally, 16 were automatically frozen, for possible future use...which leaves us with 7 little fighters in the here and now.

We'll know more today about the quality of our 7 little embies and when the transfer will be...so stay tuned!

I feel like the collective hope of my friends and family, the prayers, the Novenas, the lighting of the candles...it's all helping to move things along...from one step to the next. I can't express to you how much you've all helped me through. I can't imagine going through this alone. I think about women 40 years ago who had no options and had to fight infertility in silence. And of course it was "her" fault... These thoughts break my heart because I've been so lucky to have had such amazing support.

Thank you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

lighting a candle for you tonight!
xoxo jenliz