Friday, November 27, 2009

The Search for "The One"

It has been a very busy week indeed and with the help of a few friends I’ve learned an incredible amount about the process of finding a suitable egg donor. You may or may not be aware that egg donation within Canada is perfectly legal. I was surprised by this too, but it’s not the obtaining of the eggs that is illegal, it is the purchasing of the eggs that is illegal. One can, however, pay for the expenses incurred by an egg donor, because while they are doing this altruistically, they still need to be compensated for their incidentals…

At least that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

It’s somewhat understandable in a sense, as under law eggs are considered “body parts” and we can’t start trading body parts for money. Imagine, “Perfectly good ticker goes to the highest bidder!” It makes sense…but then what is sperm considered??…because it’s perfectly legal to buy sperm. What is the difference? Where’s the equality?

Why do the powers that be in this country always manage to screw everything up?

Now as a result, we Canadian women have to skulk around, wheeling and dealing like a couple of two bit criminals, whispering nervously and sliding figures across the table on dinner napkins. I kid you not – have you seen this?
Front page of the Toronto Star last Saturday, I seriously just about DIED.

How can we not be looking over our shoulders, waiting for the Men in Black to bust in?

But back to the art of finding an egg donor…I was extremely fortunate. I placed an ad and had an overwhelming response – in part, due to the article as it brought a lot of focus to the subject. At least 5 women mentioned it, and all of them understood my plight. There truly are women out there who just want to help a couple like us start a family. I find it incredible.

Most of the women were great, but one of them stood out from the rest…I can’t quite put my finger on what it was that led me to want her and only her…but it was overwhelming. We have since become connected, and probably will be for life. I think a lot of people think a donor should come and go quietly, never to be seen again, but everything I’ve learned, from the mandatory counseling we’ve had to have to the week long adoption training we’ve taken, has prepared me for “openness”. I want my children to know everything, as early as possible…and I want them to be able to explore their options, later in life if they wish to. I think people are so scared that their child will run off with the donor…it is absurd. Think about it. Nothing can replace the mother who nurtured you from birth, tucked you into bed and read you a story every night of your life, wiped your tears when you fell off your bike, made tacos on Friday and held you tight, until your fever broke.

But I can understand the curiosity that goes along with wanting to know why your eyes are a certain color, and why your skin is a certain tone… curiosity is built-in – we can’t deny it. So why would we? Go, explore, discover…and then come home to me.


Nicole said...

You are a very strong woman. I hope you can figure out a way to jump through all the silly government loopholes!

Tabitha said...

It's never easy, is it? lol! I'll be praying for you!!