Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dear Ruler of the Universe,

If you haven’t already been advised, and with all due respect, I’m kinda ticked. See…I was supposed to have a baby by now, but for whatever reason you felt I needed to be taught a lesson. Maybe a lesson in hardship? Ok that’s fine…I get it. I suppose maybe you felt things came too easily to me (not so sure about this one but we’ll roll with it), or maybe you felt I needed to learn that “good things come to those who wait”. Or maybe you thought I was too smug, or that I’d floated along and hadn’t experienced my fair share of life crises, or that I didn’t “appreciate” enough, or that I was impatient and unforgiving. Whatever the reason is, I feel I have now passed the test. Enough's enough don't you agree? And its not just me who’s suffering either – there are other people at stake here. Not to mention the financial hardship this has put on Chris and myself.

I can assure you, dear Ruler of said universe, that I have risen to the challenge and have learned from the test. Not only do I no longer feel things come easily to me, I am no longer smug about much, and I feel this is a pretty substantial life crises to have to manage. I have learned about tolerance and forgiveness - I have had to throw my pride out the window…and forget about me being competitive…I have completely lost the race and I am not a sore loser. So please, if you could just find it within yourself to cut me some freakin’ slack I would appreciate it.

So first things first. I know a woman with “normal fertility” could be pregnant if she were in my situation. I’m not asking for a miracle here, just to have the same chance as everyone else…to have my shot at conceiving naturally before we have to go and spend another $20,000. Think of it like a bit of payback…for all the money we’ve had to spend on treatments, trips and lawyers. Sounds fair, no?

Barring that, if you could just let this next IVF work, I would be forever grateful. I don’t care if it’s a boy, a girl, two boys, two girls, or a boy and a girl (ok that’s best case scenario) but just a baby or two of any gender – that would be really great.

So please, over the next 2-3 months if you could just keep an eye on me and help me a along a little?? Please?? Trust me, I won’t ever forget the lesson.


leslie said...


Anonymous said...

Thought provoking and profound, you are a natural writer. I have tears as I read but hope in my heart that your prayers will be answered, you truly deserve to be a parent.