BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't it a thing of beauty?!

Sorry it's taken me since Monday to post... Nickole called me early Monday morning after reading my "must wipe the counter tops again" post. She decided she would give it a shot, and low and behold, it came up good and strong and positive RIGHT AWAY! She's so cute - she texted me several times at 6:30 am, worried she would wake us up before the alarm. I wouldn't have cared if she called at 2am. She said she was up so early she didn't quite know what to do with herself...and then wrote, "call me, I have some questions."

I have to admit, I was hoping she had POAS, but I wasn't expecting it either because we had talked about when we would. We KNEW she could test on Monday, but it still might have been early...so I said it was up to her, but not to mention if she did, and she tested negative. She told me she just wouldn't POAS...problem solved.

But you see, Nickole has this uncanny ability to KNOW she's pregnant, and let's not forget that she's FERTILE AS ALL GET OUT, so she probably had a hunch, and went with it.

Anyway, I called her right away and she said "what are you doing right now?" I said I was "doing my eyebrows" lol - and she said, ok take the stick away from your eyes...because I have something to tell you." POSITIVE... OMG IT'S POSITIVE!!!! I screamed - like literally screamed...I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.. but then again, it's Nickole and she was like "shrug, I'm pregnant." Like easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Chris and I are OVER THE MOON!!!! And my emotions have taken me on an incredible journey. The emails, congratulations and support have been absolutely overwhelming, and I KNOW this is early days, but I decided a long time ago, to be an open book on this by having this blog, so no 12 week wait for us... how can I hold out on you now?

Ok sorry this is a real ramble of a post, but I just wanted you to know that we are absolutely overjoyed by this, and can't even believe it! We're going to be parents! And this unbelievable fact is something I thought might never happen.

We love our Nickole - she has been so incredible and supportive and excited...she feels like part of our family now...and forever will be.

More soon... but I just wanted to let you know the great news!

Please pray for Nickole and for us, that this pregnancy will thrive and our baby(ies) will grow and heartbeats will be seen, and fingers, toes, and everything else will come easily!

Love to you all!

This is Torture.

I guess I'll go wipe the kitchen counter tops again.

Yesterday Sucked

Yesterday was a bad day emotionally even though I didn't quite realize it until it was all but done. Just an off day, with a series of events that left me feeling pretty damn useless (like taking a huge mouthful of boiling water forgetting it wasn't cold and burning my entire mouth, to dropping just about everything I picked up). The girls at worked joked that I should just go home, wrap myself in bubble wrap, and call it a day. I guess as much as I tried to put all of this out of my mind to concentrate on work, it loomed somewhere behind the surface... Fortunately my work does not involve danger... just ugly carpet and padded cubicles.

Today is a brand new day though and I don't have to work! And I'm proud to announce that a tiny morsel of me thinks, this could really be happening! I feel terrible for posting negative thoughts, but such is life. I can't always be expected to be chippy and optimistic...

Just another day closer to the big test... Today I can't deny it, it's exciting.

The Game of Emotions

I've gotten so many great emails - you are all so excited and can't contain yourselves, and I am so grateful for the support.

I know this is such a great shot...I KNOW this, but you have to understand that I have had nothing but disappointment for 6 long years. And as much as I want to jump on the "OMG THIS IS IT!" bandwagon, I can't...because I just can't. I know the chances are good. I know that putting 25 year old embryos into a surrogate with a perfect uterus bumps our chances substantially, but falling on the "wrong side of the stats" for so many years has ruined my ability to be optimistic.

I hate to sound so down about it all. I hope that when Nickole reads this she understands...it has nothing to do with being grateful, for which I am incredibly...it's just that this infertility disappointment shit gets in the way. I'm officially broken down by it.

But I do know, outside of me and my mind, that our chances are good - BETTER than 50/50, but 50/50 is where I stay...kindof like roulette. It's either red or black, red or black.

Transfer Day!

Well today went really well. We arrived at the clinic on time, even though Dr. A was 45 minutes late. Poor Nickole had a full bladder and was becoming more and more uncomfortable...but she is such a trooper. She was told she could "go a little" if she needed to, but joked that after having 3 kids, if she let the floodgates go, there was no turning back. Eventually she had to just try, and Dr. A said not to worry about it too much. I know what it's like to "half pee" - its almost worse, but it does alleviate a little bit of pressure.

We finally got taken to the room, where Dr. A explained the embryo situation. The top and bottom embryos are good blasts, the bottom one being the stronger of the two. I am officially saying that bottom embie is a boy and top embie is a girl. The two in the middle (one on top of the other) Dr. A said were likely not going to make it, and the outer two he wanted to put in as well, for a total of 4! Nickole and I agreed that 3 was enough thank you very much, because we did not want our own reality show, so we said, no, let's stick with 3 and so Dr. A. told the embryologist to pick the stronger of the 2 (outer ones). Chris was happy we made this decision as well because we had discussed it at length...So 3 it is! Nickole was a trooper throughout the transfer, which I know can be a little uncomfortable, but she is never a complainer...I guess after delivering 3 kids, this is a walk in the park!

Very relieved and very thankful to be on this side of the transfer! It's been a long haul, and I so hope this will finally be the route we were meant to take!

Nickole is to start progesterone suppositories now (sorry Nickole) and on Thursday she goes for a progesterone check - to make sure she has enough to sustain the pregnancy...and then 9 days from now (next Thursday) she can take the blood test. I have left her in charge of testing...if she wants to test at home, she can, if she doesn't want to, and would rather wait for the bloodwork, that's fine too. I've told her if she DOES want to test at home, to only call me if it's positive lol! ...but I think she wants to wait... or at least that's what she's telling me for now...so I don't think "oh no, she's not calling because it's negative." Anyway, it is what it is at this point...it will either work or it won't - so no point wringing our hands for a week...although I know we all will!!

Tales from The Nesting Place - Chapter 1

Okay So I am not too familiar with posting blogs for everyone in the world to read but here it goes….

The Cole's notes version

Tomorrow I will embark on a journey of epic proportions (for some) that will hopefully change lives forever.

I LOVE BEING A MOM.it is by far my greatest accomplishment, Every day is fun an exciting you never know what’s going to happen, ONE BIG ADVENTURE!!!!!

They are just so darn CUTE..

All of my pregnancy’s were as enjoyable as being trapped with a giant beach ball attached to the front of you could be. But worth every min of itchy skin, back ache, leg pins and needles .etc……..(typical preggo stuff)

After my husband and I had our cutie pie M 4 years ago I told him that being a surrogate was something I would really like to do, I just thought I have such an easy time of it and I truly consider it a gift and gifts were meant to be shared.

We together decided to complete our own family before taking the idea of being a surrogate under consideration.

We decided to go ahead in October of 2010, so over the last few months I have had my insides view more time’s than ever before……. I did not even know that they had internal ultrasounds….. EAKKK NOT FUN but a necessary evil . AND blood work……omg. maybe the clinic is really a blood bank reserve for vampires…. (LOL just kidding)

I am so excited and frightened at the same time LIKE riding a roller coaster so excited to get aboard then wait in limbo as the cart moves along the track….. as you reach the peak (where it fun begins ) your heart, stomach and anything that felt the need to migrate north are now in your throat.

TOMORROW is my PEAK DAY!

I will apologize in advance that I am not nearly as entertaining in my writing as Lisa but I will try….from time to time.

Please Stay tuned form time to time for updates from…..

THE NESTING PLACE.

GREAT NEWS FROM THE PITRI DISH!

So...as it turns out, The Great Thaw of 2011 happened on Friday, not Thursday as we had thought. Got a call this morning from Marissa who happily gave us the news... here are the stats...

2 strains of embryos were thawed (3 embryos each)

2 of them are 8 cell, Grade 1 (you can't get any better than this)
3 of them are 8 cell, Grade 2 (still very very good)
1 of them is 7 cell, Grade 1 (excellent still!)

GO EMBIES GO!

Chris and I really can't contain our excitement and did a little happy dance in the kitchen after the call. Let's just say he's proud of his boys.

I just really hope this is the start of something wonderful.

Check back for more!!

No Fert Results...

No big surprise here.

The clinic said "after we defreeze the embryos, you will receive daily reports on how they are progressing." That would mean that after they took them out on Thursday, that FRIDAY I would receive the first report. It would have been an important milestone...to see if they survived the thaw and were thriving as they should be...but nope...no report yesterday. Like I said, no big surprise.

Hoping today will bring us some good news... and here's hoping I don't have to call them.

In other news, I have asked Nickole if she would be interested in writing a few words from her perspective. A friend of mine did this on her blog, and it was nice to read about the experience from the surrogate's point of view. So stay tuned for an update from Nickole. I think she is planning one for the transfer day. Can't wait to read it!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE HERE! OHMIGOSH

Nickole and I met yesterday at Union Station for her pre-transfer ultrasound and blood work. She decided to bring the kids in to the appointment, and as excited as I was to see them, I did have some butterflies knowing that I would be babysitting for the duration of Nickole's ultrasound. I pictured a really crowded waiting room full of bitter infertiles (they hate it when kids go to fertility clinics) and I pictured E in tears, screaming for his mommy, and M asking in a really loud voice, "WHY IS MOMMY HAVING YOU A BABY?" I can't lie, I was up at 3am running scenarios through my mind, like, "because my tummy is broken, but mummy's tummy works really good!" You know, it gets a little tricky sometimes... and kids just keep asking "why?" You know, "Why is it snowing?" "Because it's cold." "Why is it cold?" "Because it's winter time." "Why is it winter time?" "Because we have 4 seasons, and right now it's winter." "Why do we have seasons........" and so on and so on and so on. I am just glad that M was more interested in playing games, than being the first little person to ask questions.

I was super relieved when we ended up being the only people at the clinic. I shut the door to the waiting room and let them run around...in circles, with heavy boots on, until Dr. A came storming in and said "what's going on in here!?" M & E shrieked with delight, thinking Dr. A was having fun with them... but I think he was misunderstood... lol. Loves it. Just try and yell at me in front of them!

So let's get down to the nitty gritty. Nickole's ultrasound and blood work came back VERY good. Her lining is 13mm and it has the triple stripe pattern. What's that you ask? Who the hell knows, I just know you want it! She's also set to surge tomorrow which means tomorrow they will un-freeze 5 or 6 of our frozen embryos to grow them out to 5-day blastocysts. This is officially when the roller coaster of emotions kicks in, wondering from day to day if our babies will survive the thaw. Thankfully I am not all crazy and hopped up on Gonal-(bar)F like I have been in the past...although I am expecting my period any day now, so I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. I will be eating my way through this weekend.

Emotional update: Feeling cautiously optimistic.