Saturday, March 20, 2010

This all needs to stop♦

Its been two days since my "D&C". I believe everything went well although how would I know? I have had to ask C a million questions - he was in the room with me and watched for 3 hours while I squirmed around semi-conscious begging them to stop. But C isn't a surgeon, or a doctor, or even a nurse, just my husband, who held my hand for 3 hours and talked me through something awful and painful. Thankfully it only felt like 20 minutes, but those 20 minutes, I'm finding, were traumatic. And I thought my first egg retrieval was bad.

I made amends with the nurse. She was good to me before and after the surgery...we had spoken the day before and laughed about broke the ice. After the surgery she held me tight when my legs were about to buckle...she had my back. In an effort to bury the hatchet, a very drug-induce me hugged her tight and said "I'm sorry about everything." She hugged me back and said "that's ok". As she walked me to the car where Chris was waiting with the door open, she said to both of us, "I will call you tonight, but I don't want anyone getting out of bed or rushing for the phone, if we don't make contact tonight, that's ok...but I WILL be calling you tomorrow and I WILL need to speak with you or C...we need to make sure everything's ok."

For once I felt she cared, that the whole office cared...she was sincere and she had also burried the hatchet. I felt like I was back on track with the clinic. That was Thursday, it's now Saturday night and I have not heard from anyone at that office, not even the doctor. Yesterday I cried my eyes out about this - how could they just leave us hanging like this? How could they forget my crying out and begging for them to stop? Surely someone would have thought to follow up... but I guess not even the doctor did, because this would have prompted a call.

I feel so totally let down. Maybe the drugs and the recovery are making me more sad and dramatic than usual... but I'm tired of being "fine" - putting on a brave face. I need to be upset.

Who knows if I'm healing properly? We don't. We don't know anything. Yesterday I threw up twice, and today thankfully, only once. I know this might sound silly, but over my dead body was I calling that clinic. They've wormed their way out of other screw ups a bunch of times before, and I wasn't about to risk looking the idiot, again, and having them say"we were just ABOUT to call you "sweetie" beat us to the punch." No way...because it would have been a lie.

And other than Chris's account, which is reassuring, yet understandably incomplete, I know very little about what was done to my body.


Anonymous said...

You have had a major assault on your body, you have experienced degrees of pain that should have been better medicated, you are packed full of drugs, estrogen, etc., no wonder you are feeling totally let down. This will settle down a bit with time, and it's easy for someone else to say so, but give it a few more days, your old self will be resurrected, you will rise like the Phoenix and be back and ready for more. We know this, you have done it before and have never wavered in your determination. Please stay the course, it will all be so worth it some day soon. Stay strong .....

ks said...

Oh My!! I'm so sorry it was like that! You are right the drugs and the surgery will make you a little bit more emotional, but that doesn't excuse the clinic for not following up with you!

I hope you are feeling better today. Thinking of you!