Tammy's Ancient "Disc of Conception"

Well, if you're following along, you know that this is our last month before attempting another expensive and emotionally taxing IVF. An IVF represents such hope, but also comes with its fair share of potential disappointment. For most women, an IVF works...and they get on with their lives. For some it is the ultimate gamble. Can you imagine being at a table in Las Vegas, not knowing what you're doing and throwing down $15,000 on one hand? No-one in their right mind would do that...unless it got them a kid (or they had a really bad gambling problem!) Can I just take a moment here to talk about what a big fat rip-off it is? Can someone please explain to me why an IUI, which requires daily monitoring, doctors, ultrasounds, specialists, etc. etc. costs between $200-400 and an IVF costs TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS (drugs being the additional $5,000)???? How do you go from $200 to TEN THOUSAND in one leap? That's a major difference that I can only chalk up to the fact that a while ago some Big Wig RE must have said out the side of his wryly grin, "we can really make a buck here and charge through the nose because these women are DES-PER-ATE!" Snickers of agreement from around the boardroom table... Men with dollar bills for eyes like the cartoons.

Zoooop! Back to reality...sorry went on a tangent, once again. Anyway, in an effort to avoid all of the above mentioned crapoola, Chris and I knocked boots at the exact right time...well, according to Tammy's Ancient "Disc of Conception". Its this disc with rings and rings of dates and information...its like the Cryptex from the Da Vinci Code - if you line up the right dates, voila!, you get a baby! I forgot to take it with me when I left, so now my mother is the disc interpreter...wonder how many times she's studied it this month.

I refer to it as "Ancient" because I believe modern pregnancy tests can detect a pergnancy much sooner than the Disc of Conception suggests. It says I should test on September 12, when really I should know by about the 4th...and that's LATER than when most of my fellow TTCers test. Anyway, time will tell... will the magic numbers line up? Stay tuned...

An Apology...to all mothers

Ok so I'm not above apologizing when I'm wrong and in this case I am. For years now my fertile friends have been spewing forth life from their loins - little things that spin until they can spin no longer...one might say they are running on perpetual motion...and fish crackers. Well today we acquired one...her name is Quinn and she is my niece. She was dropped off with much enthusiasm by her father early this morning. I couldn't even finish asking my long list of questions before seeing the trail of smoke left down the path, like the Road Runner. That was 8:30. The point of all this is that now its 2:00pm and we have just put the Mighty Quinn down for her nap...and it could not have come sooner.

I remember trying to make plans with mothers, only to be rudely interrupted by the inevitable..."noooo, that won't work, so and so naps at that time.' Rolling my eyes I used to think, "GOD! Who's the boss here - the parent or the kid?" Well today I understand...the nap is not really FOR the kid, its for the parents, and it is NOT to be messed with. To just have a moment to tidy up a little from the monsoon that has passed through the house, or to re-stock the fridge with sweaty cheese and soggy Cheerios left over from the water park...and mostly, to just stare into space. You earned it...you deserve it.

So to all of those mothers who put nap time before anything else, I now completely understand...and I'm sorry I rolled my eyes!

Dear Ruler of the Universe,

If you haven’t already been advised, and with all due respect, I’m kinda ticked. See…I was supposed to have a baby by now, but for whatever reason you felt I needed to be taught a lesson. Maybe a lesson in hardship? Ok that’s fine…I get it. I suppose maybe you felt things came too easily to me (not so sure about this one but we’ll roll with it), or maybe you felt I needed to learn that “good things come to those who wait”. Or maybe you thought I was too smug, or that I’d floated along and hadn’t experienced my fair share of life crises, or that I didn’t “appreciate” enough, or that I was impatient and unforgiving. Whatever the reason is, I feel I have now passed the test. Enough's enough don't you agree? And its not just me who’s suffering either – there are other people at stake here. Not to mention the financial hardship this has put on Chris and myself.

I can assure you, dear Ruler of said universe, that I have risen to the challenge and have learned from the test. Not only do I no longer feel things come easily to me, I am no longer smug about much, and I feel this is a pretty substantial life crises to have to manage. I have learned about tolerance and forgiveness - I have had to throw my pride out the window…and forget about me being competitive…I have completely lost the race and I am not a sore loser. So please, if you could just find it within yourself to cut me some freakin’ slack I would appreciate it.

So first things first. I know a woman with “normal fertility” could be pregnant if she were in my situation. I’m not asking for a miracle here, just to have the same chance as everyone else…to have my shot at conceiving naturally before we have to go and spend another $20,000. Think of it like a bit of payback…for all the money we’ve had to spend on treatments, trips and lawyers. Sounds fair, no?

Barring that, if you could just let this next IVF work, I would be forever grateful. I don’t care if it’s a boy, a girl, two boys, two girls, or a boy and a girl (ok that’s best case scenario) but just a baby or two of any gender – that would be really great.

So please, over the next 2-3 months if you could just keep an eye on me and help me a along a little?? Please?? Trust me, I won’t ever forget the lesson.