Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Breast Milk Debate

NO! I'm not inviting one...merely giving my opinion on a topic that came to light the other day. Nickole, like any of us who seek info/support/advice for whatever we happen to be going through at the time, joined an online forum for surrogates -- and as one does, became quite good friends with some of them as they went through the surrogacy journey together. Well she got into a "message fight". She mentioned she was pumping for the twins and someone asked her how much she was charging for it and went on to say that SHE charges $1.25 per ounce. WOWZA. That is ALOTTA money...and I am no stranger to forking out ALLOTTA money, but that seems a pretty steep premium. And from a IP perspective it feels a little more ouch because WE would LOOOVE to be breast feeding our babies...for the amazing health benefits, but also for the bonding experience. And I guess what it comes down to for ME, is that despite those great benefits, we could not afford to pay that kind of premium for breast milk. With the amount that Nickole is pumping for us, at that rate, it would cost us $40/day. Formula costs $4/day, and that's the convenient (read more expensive) stuff. I know breast milk is the best, no question, but formulas are amazing these days. Bottom line it would most definitely force us to have to choose formula over breast milk and I guess it just feels a little like, "if you want it, you're gonna have to pay for it." Or, ok charge a little less for god's sake!! It's extortionate! $1,200 a month, in our case.

I don't know - maybe my perspective is completely off the norm...after all everyone in the world seemed shocked that we had not had a single problem, and I think it came down to the fact that we respected each other and became friends. We did not nickel and dime Nickole and she was never greedy. She accepted everything graciously, but no matter what we did for her, her gift to us was worth much much more. We had a running joke where she would say, "thanks for lunch!" and I would follow that with, "thanks for having our babies!" lol

Back to Nickole and the forum. The fight ensued and someone said she was "stupid" for not charging. I can just see them (as with all forums) sitting behind their keyboards having fun attempting to bring her down a notch. They probably don't like her because our arrangement was rosy. I think I know a few things about Nickole now... most of them fall in the above and beyond the call of duty category, but one other thing I know about Nickole is that you WILL NOT take advantage of her. I dare you to try it and you just see what happens.

The "woman" said she charged $1.25 per oz. and Nickole argued that if it were not for the baby she had given birth to she would not even have it so charging any amount was stupid and ..."wow the pumping for 15 minutes every 4 hours must kill you." The surrogates then ganged up on her and said she was stupid for not charging and so she told them all what she thought of them and left the board.

I feel badly that she was attacked on the boards - we've all been there and it's definitely no fun - especially when people suggest we are being taken for a ride... Regardless of anyone's opinion, or their arrangement, or what's in contracts, or what the "going thing" is, Nickole OFFERED to pump for the twins she cared for for 9 months. She knows the benefits of breast milk and wants our babies to take hers. Yes, she's a saint for doing this. Full stop. She is awesome and those girls are assholes for saying anything other than, "wow, you are doing that for those people? You truly are exactly what a surrogate mother should be."


ks said...

That's ridiculous! $1.25 an ounce! Good for Nicole to stand up for herself. Some of these forums are very highschool'ish in the way that they can't accept others point of views. Grow up!

Onto the bf'ing. Did you want to try it at all? If you do seriously get a prescription for domperidone. I tell you this stuff works like magic. I totally get it though that with twins it is more demanding so there really isn't anytime to try to pump and get those (.)(.) moving.
On the plus side I will tell you my (.)(.) are going to be destroyed after Lola's done with them. Hello plastic surgeon! LOL!
Sounds like motherhood though is suiting you! And I'm super impressed you found the time to do a blog entry! Bravo!
All my best!

Kirsten, Chris, Jacob, Sarah & Evan said...

Jenn pumped for us, because she wanted to and we were MORE than happy for Evan to have that amazing start. She did if for free, because that's the type of person she is, we offered to pay and she didn't want it, because that's the kind of person she is...end of story.

Lucky for us there are some people with generous hearts, they do it for us not to fulfil a need in themselves. Surrogacy is not a business deal it's a gift.