Sunday, October 3, 2010

Close your Eyes and Jump

So as you know, I contacted an agent to help me search for a surrogate - that was about a month ago. She had some vacation planned, and we had some vacation she would touch base with us when she returned from her trip. She contacted me to tell me she had a potential surrogate, but that this surrogate couldn't start until next June. As you can imagine, this wasn't really what I wanted to hear. I asked her to continue her search, and I haven't heard anything since.

Before I contacted the agent, I joined a "surrogate mom's" online forum, mostly to see what the deal was...what people were talking about, what was out there in the way of surrogates, and information about compensation, if any. I immediately received a PM from a woman who lived in NS, but our criteria didn't align. She wished me well, and vice versa, and for a month I didn't hear a thing. With the agent actively searching on our behalf, I put my faith in her and didn't go back to the surrogates online forum.

Mere minutes after receiving the email from my agent about the woman who couldn't start in June, and feeling really quite discouraged about it all, I received an email from a woman on the online forum. She asked me if I was still interested in GS, and if so to read her information page. At first glance she seemed perfect, other than the fact that she didn't live in Toronto...BUT she isn't far either. Keep in mind this forum, and most of them, are across Canada and the US, and in some cases to find someone who is just a short plane ride away, and within our province, is pretty good in the grand scheme of things. I contacted her right away and told her we were still looking, and she said to send her an email with our "story". I said in the email I would give her the "Coles Notes" version, but of course I am long winded and rambly, so it ended up a novel. It was worth it because it was cathartic, and anyway, I wanted her to know our story from the beginning. Actually considering all we've been through, it was fairly brief - even if it was a novel!

Within a day she emailed me back - and just like S, I got instantly excited that I may have found the right person. Her email was warm, empathetic, fun, energetic, excited, full of passion to want to do this for a couple who can't. I couldn't believe how much she was like me in her writing style, completely open, LONG AND RAMBLY, and putting it all out there. Since that first interaction, we have emailed back and forth enough for a small book, and I can't believe my luck in finding good people! Wish that luck would extend to other parts of my life, but we'll start with this.

She lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario, which is a small town on the north end of Lake Superior. A long drive north (about 17 hours), but a fairly quick and reasonable flight (about $300). She got pregnant with her first child at the age of 19, and shortly thereafter got married. During her marriage, she had a 2nd child, and has since been divorced. She and her ex have a good relationship and raise the kids together. She wants to be a nurse and is attending Lakehead University. She's 25. She loved being pregnant, and has always wanted to be a gestational surrogate for a couple like us...or a gay couple or a single woman...she was open to all arrangements, but needed it to "feel right". I think we feel AMAZING so far, about our connection and what we're about to do. She's excited, I'm excited (and a tad scared to death)... Chris...well he deals with things differently than I do, and certainly isn't against it, but he just needs a bit more time to get his head around it all. I'm the organizer, in constant search, and so fully immersed in it all... so to him it may feel quick, and I understand that. On the other hand, if we're doing this, we need to move quickly to secure our arrangement. Keep in mind that A is the PERFECT surrogate at glance, and that there are likely other couples vying for fact I know this by looking on the site - there is a lot of interest.

There are still many things to discuss, some which may be deal-breakers, but it seems to be falling into place. It does have a ring of "too good to be true" about it, but I'm going to stay positive and hope everything will align.

Her one concrete stipulation is that both (or one) of us lives in Thunder Bay for the final month of the pregnancy. Actually, she wants "final trimester, or at least 6-8 weeks", but I hope we can agree to a month. I doubt both of us will be able to go, but I see Chris flying in the last week or so, to ensure he's there for the delivery. These things are non-negotiable, so if we want to go in this direction, we have to make this work.

It's not going to be easy, but I think it's going to be amazing.

Fingers crossed.


Izzy said...

If I may be the first one to leave a comment ..... I am excited too, this could be "the one" .... I knew you would find your own way, this feels right. This is the time to trust your inner judgment and the expression carpe diem comes to mind, but also festina lente ....

ks said...

That's great news! I really hope that this all falls into place for you the way it should. I'm so happy that you are finally getting somewhere in the GS search! Fingers and toes are crossed for you!