If Chris was a Woman, he'd be 500 pounds...

Stepped on the scale this morning, and was left agasp.

I haven’t been exercising, actually I went to buy new running shoes about a month ago because my Achilles was really a mess and figured it was because my running shoes were 2.5 years old!!! You think??? But I haven’t been out since. Some of you know I slipped in an embryo transfer. It didn’t work – I don’t want to talk about it - let’s move on. Clearly, un-blogging about it didn’t have any kind of karmic twist or impact, so I’ll write about the next one…for those of you who love to read about train wrecks.

I have been eating whatever…especially this last weekend because when I asked Chris what he wanted to do for his birthday, he simply said,“I want cake, and I want to eat like a king." (Henry VIII that is) So from Friday night until Saturday night, I spent most of the time cooking horribly delicious things in the kitchen. I said to Chris, “the icing is good, but I feel like I’m biting into chocolate flavoured butter.” His response was, “and the problem with that would be…???”

It’s no wonder the scale read 135 this morning. I did the early morning quick rub of the eyes for clarity… still 135. This can’t be. Repeat steps, reset scale, step back on…136 – GAAAH! In under 20 seconds I gained another lb? This is an outrage!

It does appear hopeless, but fear not, on the subway this morning the hunger to lose weight began to build, which is all it takes for me to get serious. Time to get moving again.

By the time I stepped off the subway platform (and I’m sure I felt the subway rear back to its level position) I knew I needed to lose 10 lb’s. Damn…where is that Steven King gypsy to make me thinner ? Maybe instead of caressing my face and saying “thinner” and ultimately causing my demise, he could rub my face and say “slightly thinner, in the manner of 10-15 lb’s.”

Today’s menu has so far consisted of black decaf (I know…), a huge bowl of delicious fruit from Onorios which I swear is the best deal in town. The fruit is always ripe and perfect, no hard bits or too much rind of anything. Everything is so fresh and juicy – and there’s a HUGE amount of it…for $4.00. Best deal ever. For lunch I had spinach salad more or less dry save the one tablespoon of dressing, sunflower seeds, and 2 hard boiled eggs.

Off to a good start.

I called the dumb gym downstairs to re-activate my account. It’s dumb because its small and has next to nothing in it. But see, I have a hard time going home and going back out. For a while there I would force myself to go directly upstairs and put on my gear. I had to stay very focussed - just eyes forward so as to not distract myself with Miss Vicky’s chips left out on the counter, or the mail that has to be brought in, or the flowers that need to be watered, or sparkly pretty things… but it wasn’t easy and often by the time I reached the top step I was out of breath and talking myself out of it.

Let me tell you that 3 weeks of that attitude and we’ve got ourselves a situation…and not the Jersey Shore kind. I’ll never be skinny and I don’t want to be, but I want to appear as firm as possible. The fat rarely budges these days, but the muscle underneath can be toned… not to mention the health aspect of eating clean and forcing your heart to pump.

Monday, June 7. 135lb.