Heaven and Hell

So we are off to Maui in less than 3 weeks and I am SALIVATING at the thought. Its been a long time in coming. I booked this trip at least 4 months ago - like back in October or something, so I've definitely been looking forward to it for a loooong time. The weather here in Ontario is insulting. Its rude, and obnoxious and has absolutely no place in this world. We are reduced to living in parkas and fluffy boots...braving early morning temperatures fit for places like Alaska, or Russia. What were our settlers thinking? Why didn't they say "fuck this noise - keep moving!!!" Did they invite everyone in the spring so they'd get a false sense of security - only to be assaulted by winter come December? Did they outright LIE about it all? Did they honestly think they could just turn a blind eye and expect no one to notice??

Meanwhile back in Hawaii, the smells of Gardenia and Plumeria are fresh in the morning breeze. The ocean and sky resemble the color of jewels and the green grass is lush from the overnight rain. Coconuts and pineapples call you for breakfast and the parrots speak to you in island whispers.

Ok so I'm a little excited...can you tell? Toronto...Maui..Toronto...Maui...heaven...hell...heaven...hell...

It was Ambitious

...starting my diet so soon. Exercising like a madwoman with my homey Nicole...thinking I could "keep it up" until Maui. We started before Xmas...and I've been obsessed with eating healthy and exercising 3 times a week since then. And where has it gotten me? Nowhere! I stepped on the scale this morning to find I am right back to my good old 131 (I was a 125 last week). Why does my weight fluctuate so badly, and why can I not stop thinking about potato chips and Chocolate Rice Crispy Squares? Seriously these things are a valuable commodity in this household. We actually do our negotiating with them. I get a rice crispy square, he gets out of cleaning the bathroom. What.? It is SOOO worth it. Shit - maybe I should just buy them and make him do the bathroom. Note to self.

I know I am PMSing - I know I'm not pregnant (snort). I want to eat fattening things, and cakes and cookies and deep fried crispy goodness.

I am insatiable.

God help me - I jumped on my bed yesterday so I could get a full length vision of what it might look like to wear a bikini in the noon day sun (I used my ceiling light as a direct downward fat seeker tool). I stood in shock looking in the mirror. My knees resemble stacks of butter crepes. I've never been fortunate with the knees - there's lots of fat and skin all folding over itself in a fight for the floor...

In fact I give up. Its too hard and its too all consuming. I am SUPPOSED to be a fat girl.

Oooh the liberation - the freedom!!!