OMG how rude am I? I just leave you all hangin?? Without a word?? My apologies…I thought about writing every day but I just wasn’t into it…you know? Or “ready” or what have you – just un-inspired, perhaps bummed out…not ready to get to that next step…

But here we are.

Adoption. Well we’ve had one “consult” appt, and one “home study” appt. The home study, we found out today, will take under 3 months which surprises me actually because some Canadian “informational” sites say 3-6 months (but count on more like 6 months) or 3-12 months. So to hear Blugerman say that it will definitely wrap up in 3 months was encouraging.

The “consult”, I believe, was to ensure Blugerman wouldn’t be wasting his time. It was strictly a meet and greet, and from there we determined that the adoption process was what we wanted to pursue, regardless of the fact that it was not, by any stretch of the imagination, an easy road. Quite the opposite.

Blugerman, a nice guy by all means, was not a warm and squishy guy…he was very matter of fact and I’m certain after the initial consult I had a mini-breakdown. Now I am not the breakdown type, because I’m freakin’ strong willed (I’m realizing) but that day I cried for probably, oh, 7 hours…min. I think all of the IF feelings I’ve ever had over the past 3 years came flooding in...with a vengeance. I bawled…I screamed…I was NOT happy. But I think that’s when it came out. I think you have to manage your feelings and not analyze them too much…I am going to have shitty days – I am dealing with something very profound and I am not going to apologize anymore for it. I am hurt.

So moving on…we had our first home study session today and it was fine. We had all of our initial paperwork filled out and signed, and he gave us more info/questionnaires/RCMP police check stuff to do/fill out. So we have much more to do…but it seems manageable right now. I am feeling like we are making headway on this project and maybe, just maybe, when we are finished in 3 months, we will be given an opportunity we never thought possible…just maybe!

I asked Blugerman what next week’s session would be about – just curious type thing and he said “ooooh, there’s lots to ask you – about your family, your childhood, etc." I was hoping that he would get that over and done with in that first session, since we completed those questionnaires, but apparently not. I hate that sort of thing, I’m not sure why but I guess I don’t want to screw up and give off the impression I wasn’t a totally and completely happy kid. I think they say things like “explain a time when you and your father bonded.” Well there were a billion times…and they flood my head when I think about it… I asked someone else this question tonight and she said “I cannot think of a single time.” Its hard to remember that far back. That would be 30 years now! He was a damn good dad…she was a damn good mom. Not perfect by any stretch but as good as you can bloody get! Maybe I am more frustrated with the question…like if I got pregnant naturally, maybe you could just take your questions and shove them right up your arse!!! (No offense Blugerman, I’m sure you understand).

Home Study session 2 next Wed and we are one step closer. I hope that our luck turns soon…I really do. We deserve it.

I’ll try to keep up from now on – thanks for your patience (Lisa!!!)

Xoxoxo

It's Official! I'm a Nutbar!

Excuse my inner ramblings, but does anyone know that commercial - the Pedigree Dog Food commercial with "Max"? He was the cute little dog in the pound who didn't have an owner, put his little nose between the barbed wire fence and the narrator says "My name is Max...and I'm a good dog." Well they have Part 2 where Max is adopted - and it shows him being taken out of the pound by a little girl, with her mother behind her with some dog stuff...and then they say "this is Max now!" and you see him jumping on the bed, and in the car with his (dog) buddy and frolicking in the laundry hamper - the music's all happy and fun. I CANNOT CONTROL THE TEARS WHEN I SEE THIS COMMERCIAL. Someone please campaign to get it taken off the air before I have a breakdown. I can't take it. I'm just so damn happy for Max. Why is it happy things are what get me the most. Like when Kerri Strug won the American team the Gold Medal when she aced the vault with a broken ankle...that kind of stuff makes me BURST into tears. I know...pretty nutty stuff. I think that's why I'm so well matched with Chris. Where any other guy might say "you're a nutbar!" He says "I KNOW! Its VERY emotional stuff! Let it out!!" (and then he kinda laughs at me)

He's good stuff that Cmac.

Sprrrrring has Sprrrrrrung!

So…I’ve been taking a bit of a break…if you haven’t already noticed…just to clear the headspace. I also got quite sick with the flu and have spent the last 3 days moaning on the couch. I am on the mend though.

Spring is here in a big bad way – 18 degrees today! Toronto is like a new place…not like the City of Hell it has seemed like for the past 6 months…one can actually go outside and enjoy a bit of sunshine…imagine. Torontonians are like no other species when it comes to spring and the events that follow… People are friendlier – flip flops are worn – patios prematurely set up. There is drinking and laughter…sunscreen, etc. If anyone has earned the right to be over the top on the first sight of spring…it’s us.

Its good timing actually. If this 4th failed IVF had happened, say, November, I think I wouldn’t have felt so…level headed about things.

Speaking of level headed…and I am very level headed (most of the time)…I have been doing a lot of soul searching…what is it recently that makes this process tolerable? I recall a time when I would be completely and utterly gutted to get this latest news, and an “announcement” would put me over the edge…so why now do I feel so ok with things? And then it dawned on me. Sweep #2 is going to happen once the girls are all back at work… I have been living in a constant state of “out of sight out of mind”. All of the girls are out of sight and to be honest its kindof saved me a little. I am now, for the most part, surrounded by men and older women…and there are NO surprises. When the girls get back and start announcing #2 my world will likely be turned upside down again…

But for now I’m ok.

I was thinking about how some women, in my situation, would have lost it by now - completely gone over the edge. I can think of one, in particular, who would NEVER have made it to this stage without needing a straight jacket - and she was much much younger than me and ended up getting pregnant fairly easily! She would have been the one you’d see on the 6 o’clock news on a hospital surveillance video…”this woman, last seen at Toronto General, took the baby at approximately 10:00pm…she was dressed in pink hospital scrubs and is believed to be ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT CRAZY.” Ok…so a little harsh, but I’m just sayin’ – some women go completely nutty when they can’t conceive. And being that we are not living in poverty, we have options…I can’t imagine what its like for women who can’t afford even IUI on a monthly basis. Or a sperm wash or whatever. DAMN CANADA NEEDS TO GET A FRIGGIN GRIP ON FERTILITY ISSUES. Did you know that France pays for FOUR IVF’s!! FOUR. I’d be a lot richer right now if I lived there.

So…the plan is this. Take a little breather…enjoy life as it should be enjoyed…day to day, not consumed by anything…and in about (or exactly lol) 3 weeks time, call the adoption facilitator for a consult.

Just want to say thank you so much to everyone who posted such lovely comments on the blog. It was really helpful to get so much love and support after such a let down…it made me stay strong knowing that I was supported by so many people, and that in some cases, maybe I’ve helped a little by telling the story. So thanks for reading, thanks for supporting and thanks for leaving comments – it means more than you know.

READ THIS PLEASE!

Don't EVER click on a link in the "comments" section of the Blog. You should never have to go to another page to see a comment. These are advertising scams...

Thank you,

The Management

12 Days Post Transfer

What.


So today’s stick showed no promise of pregnancy. Not a stitch although I did eventually get that tiny faint little strip – but even more faint than the first...so I think I’m out gals. I’m pretty sure it’s a design flaw with that kind of stick. I’m sure tomorrow I will waste yet another $15 by using the First Response...might as well – I mean who cares at this point! Its actually fun playing around with the Jiffy Pen.
Beta is Monday so it’s not quite over – not until the fat lady sings. Don’t get your hopes up...something for sure would have shown up today if I were preggers...I think, unfortunately, this didn’t work out. Although what a wonderful story it would have made.
Fear not...I am currently researching adoption...so if this blog interests you it will not stop until someone puts a screaming baby in my arms...
Thanks for hanging out...watching, listening, and your prayers and support...means EVERYTHING to me...specially those Peaches...they have been a lifesaver.
Lots of Love,
Me.

10 Days Post 3 Day Transfer

So woke up at 6:20 – like clockwork to pee and thought...hmmmm...today I should have enough HcG in my urine to detect on a home pregnancy test...right? I mean, I could put myself out of my misery with all this wait and wonder. I could test today and it would be a pretty good predictor of the final result...right? Wrong. I am more confused than ever.
Pee’d on the damn stick to find a complete and utter negative line...devastation ensued. Tears, sobbing, calling into work...can’t come in...can’t speak... Time elapsed and then Chris and I decided we’d go back to bed for a bit – chill out...well it was about 20 minutes later and I grabbed the stick for another glimpse at my childless future...what’s this now? I see something...I kinda sorta see something. But are my eyes playing tricks on me? I have to squint...tilt the stick...go towards the light, etc. But its there...I think. Could it just be too early to detect anything? Or could the test be bum. I know you are not supposed to rely on the results after the instructed time frame (which is 10 minutes) but there’s an effing line!! But don't get your hopes up...it didn't come up right away.
The Peaches. The Peaches make me cry. I just finished reading a couple of posts after apologizing for being such a drama queen and hogging the forum...they made me cry. They are so caring and so awesome...I never thought belonging to this on-line community would mean so much to me. They are EVERYTHING to me. I love them all. Since posting this morning – and showing evidence of the stick in question, they have digitally enhanced the picture for me to show the blue line, they have INVERTED the colors kinda like infrared FBI shit to show that the line, in fact, does exist. They have all cheered over this stick, but too are cautiously optimistic...we all agree. A follow test must be done.
Stupidly, I sped-walked to the Shoppers Drug Mart for more Stix. Came home and immediately pee’d in a cup...Chris's favorite cup for good luck - JUUUUUST KIDDING - held the stick there for 5 and then waited. Nothing but one pink line. I could not even tell you where the 2nd line would appear...a definite negative. No doubt about it...waited 20 minutes...still very negative.
It might be because it wasn’t first morning urine...although it was looking like a good sample – I didn’t drink too much after the first pee... I dunno – it’s all very...uncertain.
I asked Chris – what is your GUT telling you? He said he was optimistic...but cautiously. We laughed because I said “no – give me your TRUE gut feeling” – which clearly he didn’t want to do because his responses then became:
“I’m not sure...it could go either way.”
“I’d say its 50/50 at this point.”
“It’s going to go one way...or the other.”
At least he makes me laugh.

So we wait...we skip tomorrow because LISA NEEDS TO GET HER ASS TO WORK BEFORE SHE GETS THE BOOT, and test on Saturday. If indeed that was a faint positive, it will show up stronger on Saturday. Beta (blood test) is on Monday...it is not unheard of to get a false negative on a home pregnancy test and a positive beta...but rare. There’s still hope...don’t give up hope.

9 Days Post Transfer

I KNOW I can POAS now…but I am far too scared to. I really am such a chicken – I feel that an answer today or tomorrow would 80% be the final result… Some might say, it may be too early to test…but we all know that it’s probably not and if I am truly pregnant it would show up now.

I’m not ready for the answer…if it’s negative. I’m just not ready. I think it would crush me at this point. It’s possible I’ve told too many people…and now I am feeling the pressure. Not the Peach gang – they get to know everything, and not family, but “others” that maybe I shouldn’t have made privy.

There’s good and bad to so many people being “in the loop”. The good is so much positive energy and prayer (if you believe). It certainly cannot hurt the cause. I know that everyone I’ve told is gunning for us – they care so much and that has made my life! The bad is that wow…what a let down for so many people. I know everyone is waiting – watching – hoping – praying… Everyone wants this so bad for me (it’s a nice feeling – trust me)…but a lot of pressure.

I think if things don’t swing our way I am done with trying to make a baby happen inside me. It’s too hard on me…physically and mentally – and I think Chris needs to move on as well and find a solution with a bit more certainty. When I think back to when I was in my 20’s – I remember, because I came from a small family and had a brother who was older and had his own thing going on, I wanted a large family. I used to always talk about 6…that way everyone would have a buddy…but it just wasn’t in the cards. Shame because I am missing family in my life…and right now it feels like it’s the only thing that’s important…the only thing that matters.

Ok…today’s sympts…

Nothing really – just tired…big sore boobs...sore toosh (see below!)

8 Days Post Transfer

This is your ass on drugs.


Anyone comes near this side of my anatomy with a needle and I cannot be held responsible for how I might react...Ninja like reflexes and a needle through your temple... The other side is fine though...strange huh? Its really grim - its itchy and hard and sore...and no longer the once shapely bum used to flaunt. This better be worth it dammit!!

Well I'm sure its the 2cc's of progesterone that is making me want to be horizontal with my eyes closed the entire day. Work was hell - I just don't know how I'm going to make it through the week (not like I'm getting a lot done with my head buzzing the way it is). Isn't this cruel and unusual punishment? Make it end already!

When I came home I said to Chris I really don't feel well - my upper back is really strained and I feel like I'm getting sick. I went directly to couch and slept for 2 hours...and I could go to bed for the night now. I do feel better though...I think this process is taking its toll, not only drug-wise, but stress wise. Promising not to stress too much though...what's done is done and all I can do is hope.

7 Days Post Transfer

Well...not too much going on today...same old same old - AM I? AM I NOT? AM I? MAYBE I AM? NO WAY I AM... BUT ITS POSSIBLE...COULD IT BE? DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP...BUT MAYBE? ITS POSSIBLE! ...just an example of my constant and annoying inner dialog.

I am a little concerned about the pinch I have in my left side...kinda near where the fallopian tube was aspirated...sortof showed up noticeably yesterday - a similar feeling to the feeling I had after Dr. S. did the ultrasound and was poking around a lot. My fear is that it's filled back up...because I think I can feel the pressure. It kept me up last night...not because it was painful, but more because I worried all night about the fluid seeping into my uterus and damaging a potential pregnancy.

I also have a lot of pain in the progesterone injection sites - on my butt...talked to Judi about that today and she said its because we're doing 2cc's of progesterone and that's "a LOT". The site is so itchy and sore and red and bruised...we'll have to stay away from the left side for a couple of days...the thought of sticking a needle in there again? Brrrrr!! No thanks. Judi suggested (if I am in fact pregnant and we have to continue for 12 weeks) that we inject 1 cc and do a vaginal suppository. EEEWEE!!! I'll stick to my bruised arse thank you.

New plan on testing. I walked up to Dr. Thomas' office at Mount Sinai today (one floor up from mine - its so convenient) - she's the doctor that did a laparoscopy on me a year and a half ago...I really liked her but her receptionist gave me some trouble recently and I had to march up there and ask her what her problem was (she wasn't returning my call). Anyway, went up there today and said "do you remember me - I went to S.F. to do an embryo transfer." She said oh yes! of course - how did that go, etc., and I told her that it went fine, but I don't have anyone to do a beta for me (blood test to see if I'm pregnant) and she said "no problem - here you go." and gave me a requisition. So that is great - I will do that on Monday...Judi in S.F. said Friday was too soon and that I could not rely on a negative result on Friday if I got one...so what's the point? I will just pee on a stick on Saturday morning and hope I see that + sign for once in my sorry life!

6 Days Post Transfer

Well...woke up this morning to the same heavy feeling in my uterus. I seem to be constantly aware of the area, like there are two fingers pointing to it at all times.
Had a pee in the morning and noticed a little pink on the paper...which instantly had me in a good mood. See IVF-ers or ART girls generally spot during their pregnancies...not sure why but they just do, and a little moment of spotting around 6-7 days past transfer could be indicative of “implantation” spotting...the embryo burying into the uterus, and thereby causing a little bit of bleeding. I didn’t have this any any time during my last two IVF’s, and I think it’s too early for my period, so I can only hope the difference is a good thing. The ONLY thing is...progesterone can cause spotting – DAMN PROGESTERONE (shaking fists).
So anyway, I’m taking it as a good sign...still cramping a little...much earlier than last time which was closer to getting my period...I am still a week away from testing/getting my period – this is all happening early – so keep your fingers crossed that this is all a good sign.
Thanks for stoppin’ by.
x

5 Days Post Transfer

So all of today's symptoms can be explained away... I am so scared that all of these symptoms are going to be nothing more than the drugs I have been taking. What a shame - and to be completely honest with you, I thought FOR SURE my last IVF worked - I just thought, "this is it!", because so much was going on in my body, but it was the drugs all along. I feel the same way this time... and I'm so scared I'm going to be let down again. Not sure I could handle that right now...I mean...then what? What's next...I dunno...feeling a bit blue today - had a blowout fight with Chris which hasn't happened in a long while and apparently he doesn't care one iota that I'm a walking drug store, being pumped with hormones and potentially pregnant.

Stomach feels bloated - but Doxycycline makes you feel this way. I'm also having a slight bit of difficulty swallowing - not feeling ill at all - just feels tight in the throat - also a side effect of Doxy...what else...

hmmm...

Burping a lot! Cramps still...lower back feels tired. Every once in a while I get a large "hic!" like when you're eating McDonald's (not that I ever have McDonald's) but then you take a big sip of coke and you instantly do that big "hic!" thing?? You know what I mean? Those randomly happen.

Well that's my body in a nutshell today. 6 more sleeps...then I PEE.

4 Days Post Transfer

Well today is a crampy day – they didn’t really stop before going to bed last night and since waking up they’ve become stronger, but not sharp – a dull achiness, kinda like period cramps. Went grocery shopping with Chris today (miracles never cease) and thought having him there would be helpful. ..but noooo, he has to play “evade Lisa with the shopping cart.” So I would catch a glimpse of him at the very end of an aisle, only for him to quickly disappear. Thought he was soooo funny – showing up miles away, but only for a moment so I could catch a sliver of his face...then he’d slip away. Meanwhile my arms are full of groceries, my back feels pinched and all I want to do is sit down. He wasn’t even visible long enough for me to give him a death glare.
But in all fairness he was helpful in the end...went to work at the checkout and loaded the car and told me to go and lie down while he put away the groceries. Even wiped down the fridge...shocker! We like him today and will not nag him again. Today I said.
Yeah, so back to the cramps...I, of course, have become completely and utterly obsessed with Googling “4 days post transfer cramps” and although it appears to be a very good sign, progesterone is what a body will NATURALLY start producing when its pregnant and this is what causes the uterus to expand/contract...so really...who the hell knows since I’m manually pumping in 2 CC’s of the stuff! Speaking of my ass looks like Princess Leia with two huge lumps on either side...and it doesn’t feel so nice either. One more innocent smack of the ass from Chris and he’ll be very very sorry...I have warned him twice now. I guess its automatic.

3 Days Post Transfer

VERY aware of my uterus area – it feels heavy/bloated...kinda like gassy but the gas never comes out! I get the occasional pokey scrapey feeling but I am certain it’s because I’ve been paying such close attention, like, I’m certain I had the same twinges when I was, say, 24, but I was just too busy bustin’ a move on the dance floor to notice. I did also have a needle stuck up my hoohaw the other day which can’t be too much fun for the nether regions. Some recovery is surely required...
Oh, and don’t you think it’s a hoot that pregnancy feels EXACTLY like you’re getting your period – so you can’t really ever know...until you know...you know? And don’t forget the progesterone being pumped in daily which makes you have sore boobs and uterine cramps – that’s a for sure head game...and the estrace – what the hell does that do? Well I’m not sure but I’m guessing it makes you feel PREGNANT!
I’ve gone down this road many times before...I can convince myself of just about anything. I will tell you this...I do have a hunch one way or the other but unfortunately I am not at liberty to divulge.
Stay tuned...

I'm eating for 3!

Ok! So we are officially stocked up with embryos. 2 to be exact. One is a lovely "good" grade 8 cell embie and the other is an "average" 5 cell...the 3rd degenerated, but Dr. Sohn was feeling very optimistic - thinks we have a very good chance of 1...possibility of 2...but he said "our goal is for one healthy baby."

He's so damn nice...really a very caring doc...was a little apprehensive at the start of the week but thinks everything went as well as it could have!! Here's our future... I'M SO HAPPY!!!! I think I need a 2nd bagel...

ps - forgot to mention Chris reminded me that our Day FIVE embies never reached 7 cells (these are Day THREE - shown above - yes those are ours!!)...so...FINGERS CROSSED EVERYONE!!!

Picking The Kids Up at the Rink...

Well today’s the day! I am excited but a bit confused about what my body is doing to me. Yesterday had a very successful aspiration with Dr. Sohn. He said that the fluid was clear and not infected and suggested that it was likely more fluid left over from the HSG I had done in December – so that was the best possible outcome because I suppose that means that my body isn’t producing the liquid on its own, and hence won’t fill back up??? I dunno – I think that’s the way it goes...
Soooo! I’ve to take Doxycycline, IN addition to the Estrace, the progesterone, the Medrol...it says to take the Doxy on an empty stomach...HA HA HA...very funny. Woke bright and early and took the pill. Thought I won’t have coffee this morning since I HAVE TO TAKE VALIUM as well, and decided to go across to Starbucks to get Chris a coffee and me just a tea. Well as soon as I had 2 sips of tea the world started spinning – and then there was chaos. Projectile violent vomiting. Lovely. I am finally a bit better – its 9:00am and I’m supposed to take my Valium...I already feel like a walking drug store and the thought of taking more drugs...gaaaack...my wee body can’t handle so much. I am eating dry toast right now – 2 slices of dry toast at the Clift Hotel will run you $9.00 + tip...FYI.
Ok off we go!! Hope the embryos are good and healthy!!

Chris is funny

Ok Chris just made me laugh so hard I almost spat my drink all over the keyboard. He’s never been a “robe” man...thinks they’re girly - but he just had a really hot shower and wanted to give it a shot. Put the robe on and said “OMG – its like being ensconced in fleece! Who knew?” Well we all did...actually. He’s now talking about inventing terrycloth pants.

SF – Days #2&3 – Touch...and GO!

Ok. So Day 2 was a bit of a nightmare. Had the ultrasound only to discover that I have fluid in my left fallopian tube, which may have an effect on the embryos. The problem arises if the fluid seeps into the uterus – if it’s a bacterial infection it can sabotage the embryos. DEVASTATION. On Day 2 we were told to enjoy San Francisco, return to Canada, have a surgery to REMOVE the fallopian tube, and come back when things were clear. We know this was not easy news to deliver, and it definitely wasn't something we wanted to hear when everything we've done for the past 3 months has been all about this. The excitement, the drugs, the lawyers and organization, the hope the waiting...only to be dealt another crimp in the plan. Hope returned in the form of Option 2, which is to asperate the tube, remove the fluid and hope that it doesn’t build up again. There is no saying how long this took to build up in the first place...we can only hope that doing an asperation will nip this problem in the bud...and hope that the fluid doesn’t return, and if it does...pray it is slow to develop.
So...onward and upward. We go with Option 2. Getting to this decision wasn’t easy – there is so much to consider, but we feel confident with our decision. We came here to do this...we’re doing it.
Sunday we go for an operation to remove the fluid. Dr. Sohn waived his fee which is really helpful since this extra procedure costs an additional 3 grand and obviously wasn’t something we budgeted for. He really is all business, but it’s also obvious too that he is very understanding of the emotional impact this has had on us.
I received a call from Judi today – she’s the coordinator. She said that everyone EVERYONE is pulling for us and gave us a story of a woman who they truly didn’t think stood a chance, and is now pregnant. Apparently her lining wasn’t very good. I’m glad to report that Dr. Sohn said right off the bat that my uterus/lining was perfect...let’s hope that helps our cause.
FET is still scheduled for Monday...so thank GOD this trip wasn’t for nothing. I really don’t think I could have handled leaving S.F. without the transfer...that would have really done a number on me...I’ve come too far to turn back empty handed.

SF – Day#1 – Arrival!

Well despite 20 minutes of hell and certain death (turbulence) we arrived safely! Got to the hotel about 1pm and managed to check in early which was good – didn’t occur to me to arrange early check in, but it was no problem and they upgraded us to a “suite” which was unexpected and fantastic! So we have a sitting area with a TV, and then a bedroom area with TV...so Lisa doesn’t have to watch “How it’s Made” and “Mega structures”. YAAAAWN. Kidding there will be very little time for TV.
Went out straight away and walked what I think was west (up??) and did a big circle around. It’s such a great area we’re in – Union Square – obviously the shopping district. I think Janice’s intentions were good but she mustn’t know about my little shopping...”challenge” I prefer to use in place of addiction. There is a pair of shoes at Stuart Weitzman calling my name...only $225. I think that’s doable don’t you? I also found a pashmina for $500 that I really like. I walked into the store, stood in the middle and did a 360 degree turn and then pointed to a pashmina and said “this is the one I like”. He said “oooh, you have very good taste – you picked the most expensive one in the store!” Well duh!
THANK GOD Chris was still getting a coffee at Starbucks – he would have had a field day with that comment.
Went to a restaurant called “Perry’s” – Chris had the burger – and I had the salad. Once again Chris’s dinner kicked my dinner’s ass. I had his pickle though. They had these really skinny bread stick things that I THINK were decoration, and I was tempted to eat one...Chris said “look honey, no one else is eating theirs...when in doubt do what the locals do.”
Back at the hotel now – we’ve been up an awfully long time and are now using toothpicks to keep from falling asleep too early. Big ultrasound tomorrow with Dr. Sohn. Hope all goes well!!!

Tracy Lied!!

She said it would be smooth sailing from here on out... I figured after almost burning the house to the ground and the passport incident that I had paid my dues...but no...we all know that bad things happen in 3's.

I'm happy to report that bad thing #3 happened tonight. A large glass measuring cup high up on the shelf dropped and landed on my middle finger and mangled it. I look like ET with a big swollen black finger with a big crust of blood. I have syringes in the house and it has occurred to me to put the needle in and suck out the blood because it is FULL...and tight.

On the upside that's 3! No more back luck will come my way...knock on wood.

(and yes, it took me 2 hours to type this)

Lost and Found

I have learned my lesson – a few times...or at least I thought I had. I booked a trip once in my early 20’s only to discover a week before traveling that I needed a valid passport to go there. Not having one, I went to the passport office. They said “you need an expired passport or a Citizenship Card to get a passport.” I knew I had a citizenship card...I just couldn’t find it anywhere...and I never did. The passport was obtained, but it was not easy to get – and it caused me and my mother a LOT of unnecessary stress. The whole ordeal, in combination with the student loan debacle, which we won’t get into or I’ll start to cry, was enough to make me change my ways. I swore that I would have ONE spot for all important documents, and I would diligently pay any bills and stay on top of my finances.
Fast forward to today. Being the cautious person I am, I thought I better have a quick check to make sure everything is in order for our travel to the US on Wednesday. I went to “the spot”...but there is no passport. 2 hours later I am in a panic – crying to Chris that it’s gone, and that the flights are in my maiden name because my passport is still my maiden name, but the rest of my ID is in my married name. And besides that I think its mandatory now for all passengers flying to the US to have valid passports. 2 DAYS PRIOR TO TRAVEL and I’ve lost it. Gone.
Sick...I was just sick about it. How could this have happened when I am so careful? Why do these things seem to always happen to me? What what what if I hadn’t checked today and I went to get it on Wednesday morning – can you imagine how upset I would have been – having to travel for something so important, only to be dealt that blow 2 hours before a flight???
I looked everywhere – keep in mind we have only been home from Florida for 3 weeks...so it’s not that long ago I saw it. Not having it handy meant something was up...something bad. After searching bags, suitcases, jackets, purses, envelopes, drawers, piles of bills, piles of random stuff many many times over I was resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to find it. It wasn’t anywhere it could have been...it was gone.
For whatever strange reason I went to the 3 foot pile of newspapers that was waiting for recycling day at the front door and plunked myself down...tears running down my face. As I started taking newspapers off, I thought this is so stupid – it’s not going to be here...but my mind was elsewhere – searching frantically for some memory that might lead me to my passport... I was just about to give up when I took off the last paper...and there it was...ready for the recycling truck.
Apparently I didn’t learn my lesson. Sick about it...just sick.