The Search for "The One"

It has been a very busy week indeed and with the help of a few friends I’ve learned an incredible amount about the process of finding a suitable egg donor. You may or may not be aware that egg donation within Canada is perfectly legal. I was surprised by this too, but it’s not the obtaining of the eggs that is illegal, it is the purchasing of the eggs that is illegal. One can, however, pay for the expenses incurred by an egg donor, because while they are doing this altruistically, they still need to be compensated for their incidentals…

At least that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

It’s somewhat understandable in a sense, as under law eggs are considered “body parts” and we can’t start trading body parts for money. Imagine, “Perfectly good ticker goes to the highest bidder!” It makes sense…but then what is sperm considered??…because it’s perfectly legal to buy sperm. What is the difference? Where’s the equality?

Why do the powers that be in this country always manage to screw everything up?

Now as a result, we Canadian women have to skulk around, wheeling and dealing like a couple of two bit criminals, whispering nervously and sliding figures across the table on dinner napkins. I kid you not – have you seen this? http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/pregnancy/article/728915--hatching-babies-our-black-market-in-human-eggs
Front page of the Toronto Star last Saturday, I seriously just about DIED.

How can we not be looking over our shoulders, waiting for the Men in Black to bust in?

But back to the art of finding an egg donor…I was extremely fortunate. I placed an ad and had an overwhelming response – in part, due to the article as it brought a lot of focus to the subject. At least 5 women mentioned it, and all of them understood my plight. There truly are women out there who just want to help a couple like us start a family. I find it incredible.

Most of the women were great, but one of them stood out from the rest…I can’t quite put my finger on what it was that led me to want her and only her…but it was overwhelming. We have since become connected, and probably will be for life. I think a lot of people think a donor should come and go quietly, never to be seen again, but everything I’ve learned, from the mandatory counseling we’ve had to have to the week long adoption training we’ve taken, has prepared me for “openness”. I want my children to know everything, as early as possible…and I want them to be able to explore their options, later in life if they wish to. I think people are so scared that their child will run off with the donor…it is absurd. Think about it. Nothing can replace the mother who nurtured you from birth, tucked you into bed and read you a story every night of your life, wiped your tears when you fell off your bike, made tacos on Friday and held you tight, until your fever broke.

But I can understand the curiosity that goes along with wanting to know why your eyes are a certain color, and why your skin is a certain tone… curiosity is built-in – we can’t deny it. So why would we? Go, explore, discover…and then come home to me.

What Would MacGyver do?

Well, its been an interesting week to say the least. One thing you may not know about me, is that I'm impulsive. I don't sit and contemplate and think of pros and cons and consider all options like most smart people, I jump in with both feet and usually with my eyes closed. I guess I work from the heart.

The thing is, the quicker I jump in, the less overwhelming the task seems. Until I sit down and actually DO it, its a big unknown that eats away at me...a big overwhelming nagging feeling that won't lift until I get started.

I've learned a lot in a week. First of all, I decided to investigate egg donor agencies...just to get the ball rolling. It seemed a less daunting, albeit expensive endeavor, to be able to put the in's and out's of egg donation into the hands of the professionals. The agency would take care of everything, from legal documents right down to flights, hotels and meals. I wouldn't have to manage any of that. Sounded good to me...until I discovered that my doctor's office won't deal with agencies. Great. Another road block. (Is someone maniacally laughing at me right now? Seriously people.) I was quite upset with this newest glitch having gotten used to the idea of an agency donation, and doing some on-line donor shopping. It was so nice to be able to see all of the donors and to be able to narrow it down to someone with Scottish heritage, brown hair and grey/green eyes. There were a handful of donors I would have been entirely happy to choose...but to do this I would need to change doctors...a-gain. Dr. A. simply won't budge on the issue.

After much discussion with my trusted Peaches, and against my initial inclination, I decided to just try to see if I could find an independent donor - someone local. So I posted a couple of ads in local on-line classifieds to see what was out there in the world of private donation. Not really the path I wanted to go down, but this is how it's done here...this is how people find donors. I've had one response so far and I very quickly learned that "measuring up" goes both ways...I have to measure up for her...so we'll see how this plays out.

I find it incredible this road I'm on - this road to finding a baby we can call our own...absolutely incredible. I don't know a single other person in my life (other than the Peaches) who has had to fight the way I've had to. It used to make me crazy, but now I just realize that this is my "big challenge" ...this is my life exam. Will I pass? Well, who knows...but the fact that I've gotten this far and haven't yet thrown in the towel leads me to believe I will. I have a nickname for myself. It's MacGyver. It's MacGyver because I've always been able to come up with a solution.

The MacGyver in me will figure out a way.

Day-dreaming in Donorville

Do you find it ironic that I have a carton of expired eggs in my fridge? I do. Yesterday around dinner time, I found Chris with his head in the fridge mumbling “what to eat…what…to...eat…” Since there was nothing that came encased in cellophane and with a twist tie, in a box or a can, in a “baked goods” container, a jar, or from Kraft, I knew there would be nothing of interest. He concluded, “nuthin’ to eat but old eggs.”

Would you eat an expired egg? I wouldn’t. In fact, I think I might head to Loblaws after work and disassemble the egg section until I find the best possible “best before” date. I shall then come home and carefully place the eggs into my fridge. I’m not even sure I’ll eat them – but will find peace in knowing they are there and “fresh” and available for use.

Are you smellin' what I'm frying?

I find myself dreaming of becoming pregnant - and soon…and this dream has everything to do with using someone else’s eggs. I can’t help but become excited, just thinking about flipping through pictures in a Donor Book, not unlike flipping through the pages of a magazine and finding the right “pair of genes”. Maybe my uncanny ability to find the best (and usually most expensive) item du jour has prepared me for this final shopping task.

I’m tired of not having a family to call my own and I don’t have much faith in my own ability to conceive… I’m not 100% there yet, but I’m pretty damn close. I think we need to stop day-dreaming, and start living in reality…don’t you?

An Angel

A fairly good weekend. What made it so great was my visit with Elizabeth. She's my chubby, stylish, always-in-a-good-mood friend. Even when she has a fever and her cheeks are pomegranate red, I can always get a smile out of her just by saying "Hi!". She's 5 months old and I AAAADOOOOORE her.

So yeah, good weekend!

Other People's Kids

After my monitoring appointment, and at the request of my husband, I found myself in the lineup of a very packed MacDonalds. In front of me was a mother with an infant and a toddler at her side...I would guess about three years of age. This child...this child was... well I'm not sure I can describe just how awful he was. He spun like a top, grunting and spinning about, lifting up his shirt and bellowing, "RHHAAAAAAAAAH RHAAAAAAAAH RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" to his mother, who was visibly annoyed AND ignoring him. He then decided to run at her, hitting her purse and swinging it off her arm. He did this 4 or 5 times, until his mother finally said firmly, "stop." At that point he figured his magic was working on mom and started snapping "I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN!!! OK MOM? I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN!!! OKAAAY MOM?" Guess what happened next. Yep - attack of the purse, but this time he pushed it so hard that it flew out of her hand and spilled onto the floor. Resigned, she silently picked up her belongings while devil child tried to push her off her crouch...and for one tiny moment I thought to myself...

I'M GLAD THAT MY IVF WAS CANCELED.

Ok not really, but it WAS perfect timing. With the possibility of this IVF working and becoming a mother, someone was showing me that it's not always all it's cracked up to be. It gave me a moment of relief...that I would not yet be burdened with a child I'm not entirely sure I could love.

Then I realized that my child wouldn't be that child - he was someone else's child. And of course she loves her child - any mother would love their child no matter what. But it did give me a bit of comic relief and given the timing, I thought it was a nice little gift from the heavens above...like they were winking at me saying "are you SUUUUURE???"

I finally said to her, "it's gonna be a looong day huh? Nap time soon?" which I guess is just totally fucking annoying if you're a mom on the cusp of a nervous breakdown...but if she knew my situation, she might have had a bit of a sense of humor. A dirty glare was all I got...and I just shrugged and thought "good luck with that."

THE IVF was canceled because I no longer have 3 and 4 follicles, but only 2 on my left side...yeah, the side with no fallopian tube. Thanks. Lot of good that'll do me. I met with the doc in his office and we both agreed that this cycle was a bust.

But to finish off the cycle, I am to take one more dose of Gonal F tonight. This will grow the follicles up, and then I'll trigger on Tuesday so that they can release and not become cysts.

What's next? I have no idea... but I am leaning towards something radically different.

The Definition of Insanity

So it begins.

I can’t say that I am doing back flips over the results of our first blood work/ultrasound appointment. My FSH level came in at 10.5 (booooooohissssssss) and there are 3 follicles on the left and 3-4 on the right. I think, once again, I am producing a borderline cycle – which means this IVF is going to suck the life out of me…or just plain SUCK. It feels like another cancellation in the making, or the transfer of maybe one crappy struggling embryo. Sorry I hate to be Debbie Downer, but I’m just about done with all this IVF business. As my good friend Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

CD1 of IVF # 6...

Seriously 6? Soon I'll be in double digits.

Today's the start of the most promising cycle to date...other than San Francisco which I thought would be a sure thing. Maybe just this once things will go smoothly. Maybe I'll have an explosion of follicles - like 12 - that would be an explosion of epic proportions in my world.

Lets face it - numbers is where its at this round. I need LOTS to put back...not just one (which I hate to say is more likely than anything) - but 4 or 5 or 6... So come on ovaries don't fail me this time! MAKE. ME. PROUD.

The "Announcement"

We've all been there. It starts out innocently enough...a nice dinner, a walk in the park, a phone call, only to be blindsided by the news of a pregnancy. As difficult as it is for me to admit, or explain, this is probably the most painful part of the TTC process.

Most women don't have to endure never-ending announcements because they too, eventually become pregnant. Maybe even a SuperFert with a killer competitive streak might have experienced the twinge of jealousy by someone TTCing at the very same time. They won. The beat you to the punch. Ouch right? I figure most women actively TTC will probably feel a pinch of sadness for themselves - even if they know it's just a matter of time.

For people like me, announcements bring all kinds of miserable emotions to the surface. Its such a hard place to be because I don't want the person to think I'm not happy for them. OF COURSE I'M HAPPY FOR THEM. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. Four years ago I would plaster on the happiest face I could muster and pray I wasn't being transparent. Then I got really good at it - and really good at PREDICTING it. I basically assumed everyone was pregnant and everyone would announce. That way I wouldn't be blindsided - it was absolute self-preservation. I even would tell someone "I bet ____ is pregnant." so I could later hear, "you called it!" Somehow this lessened the blow...

I've played the game for years now, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of feeling my throat close shut and my stomach squeeze tight while I slap a smile across my face, wishing the ground would swallow me whole. I'm tired of choking back tears and wishing for it all to be over so we can move onto talking about something else. I'm tired of being the only person who can't talk about her pregnancy or brag about her kids. And I'm really tired of putting my friends in a position where they can't really talk freely about their lives, for fear of hurting my feelings. I wouldn't blame them if they secretly all wanted to get together without me...although I know they never would. It must be difficult for them too, wondering how to be around me, praying they don't say something wrong.

I never wanted anyone to walk on eggshells around me - I figured it would be the fastest way to isolate myself and I know I'm right. For the most part I think I've accomplished this by being an open book about infertility and for not taking offense to anything. I try my very best to feel genuine happiness when someone announces their pregnancy, but on the rare PMSy, planets-not-aligned, lack of sleep occasion I just can't do it. I guess this post is to explain that someone like me would never want to appear a spoil sport over someone else's blessing. Don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with someone like me going through something like this. I say this now because I've decided I can't keep pretending I'm OK all the time. Announcements kill me. Sorry - but you have to know and understand this. So if you announce a pregnancy to me, just expect me to be upset, and I'm sorry in advance if I've ruined your happy moment - trust me I never wanted to be in this situation.

Just know that I'm not upset because you're pregnant, I'm upset because I'm not.

Love to all my friends and family,
xo

Drama Queen

I tend to be dramatic - its a good thing. It makes me more interesting. No that's not me in the picture although I wish it were. She has fabulous hair and is probably ripe with fertility.

I think the only person who doesn't appreciate my dramatic flair is Chris (for obvious reasons) ...and maybe my dad...although thankfully the days of storming off in a teenage sized rage and using a foot to slam the bedroom door are long behind me.

I get worked up see...and that's when things get out of hand. I thought that the doctor was pulling a fast one on me...that he might be all talk and no action. The more I thought about it, the more I compared this experience to the one I had at Lifequest. You have to agree that this last IVF attempt was a bit of a shitshow. Nothing worked, I didn't have a good response, I didn't feel like things were any different, and it got canceled. Not a very good first impression after a year of hearing "we can do better."

So we had the meeting with the doc and I was prepared to get to the bottom of this...demand some answers. I started out strong, tough, but I quickly realized I was way out of my league...that I am not a medical genius, rather I am a college educated fashionista who rarely reads the newspaper. I sensed an irritation from the doctor (one thing I am VERY good at is reading people - they don't teach THAT in school) and backed right off. I turned my bulleted list of zingers into concerns which ended up a much more effective approach. Turns out I was really quite off-base about a lot of things and that there is a lot more finesse and consideration. It's the part we don't see... the "how much effort is the doctor putting towards us, and only us?" part. I guess I am a little jaded having just come from the Lifequest Assembly Line.

The bottom line is that I am 40, and the doctor can only do so much with what my body is willing to offer. We're hoping I will "trend" like I did at Lifequest and that this next IVF will be much more fruitful after a priming cycle. Last time I got 13 follicles after a priming cycle...wouldn't that be great?! Go ovaries go!

The Five Stages of Grief

I was pleasantly surprised and just a little embarrassed to discover that people are still checking my site on a regular basis. How do I know this? It’s a fancy little program called Google Analytics. It tells me on any given day just how many people have popped their heads in. You’ll be interested (and perhaps relieved) to know it does not tell me who...all I know is that yesterday 25 people logged on while I stared into space and picked my teeth.

Sssssssorry.

Clearly, I have let my faithful followers down by not giving them an IVF update, or at least something to read when they can’t stand to do another moment of work. It’s just that these downtimes are necessary for me to put closure on the past and to gear-up for the future. Think of it like the 5 stages of grief…

Denial
What do you mean I’m not pregnant? I totally am – I can feel it kicking.

Anger
WTF I’m not pregnant? Chris this is all your fault.

Bargaining
If I was pregnant, I swear I would never EVER raise my voice to it. (pffft…ok.)

Depression
I’m old…I’m barren…God, I REALLY hate my new haircut…blaaa blaaa blaaa

Acceptance
Chris: What’s for dinner?
Lisa: Chardonnay.


Tomorrow we have a “follow up” meeting to review last month’s debacle-turned-IUI/lets call it a “primer” cycle that has me a little twisted in the knickers. I want to know lots of things…but mostly I want to know what was so different about this protocol? There was so much talk about how Lifequest dropped the ball, and so much assurance that "they could do better" ...but when it got right down to it, nothing was very much different at all. And the part that really annoyed me, was that when it came time to talk “uterus lining”, which is of utmost importance to an implanting embryo, it was “too thin”. How the eff did that happen? We get to the very end and then the uterus isn’t ready? No. This is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Tomorrow we’ll be needing some answers, or this will all be called off.

Wish us luck.

Raising Arizona

“Her loins were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.”

Aaah Raising Arizona... A classic comedy about a couple’s unstoppable desire for family, no matter what the stakes. But strangely enough, infertility never crossed my mind..until last night when I watched it again for the first time in 20 years. “Ed”, played brilliantly by Holly Hunter, is deemed “barren” by her doctor and spirales into an abyss of depression. Then there’s the part I remember – they steal one of a set of quintuplets with the notion that they have more baby than they can handle, and surely they wouldn't notice if one went missing (a win-win no?)

I recall watching this movie in Grade 12, and I probably glazed over the word “barren” without giving it a second thought. I’m not even sure I would have known what it meant. It’s amazing how blind we are to things that don’t affect us personally. They cease to exist in our tiny little bubbles - until they do - and then it's like we’re the only person to ever have fallen victim.

But at the stupid (and fertile) age of 17, I thought nothing of it. It didn’t exist in my tiny world of happiness, hormones and boys…and I was too pleased with my own existence to ponder any future possibilities. I’m not even sure I could have felt empathy for someone who may have struggled from it, and felt the loss I currently feel every day. It just wasn’t something I could relate to. Now I watch that movie with a whole new set of eyes wide open… It's an over-exaggerated, campy and hilarious version of what Chris and I are currently going through. Unfortunately for Ed and Hi, their fertility options were slim to none, forcing them to take matters into their own hands. Thank god for 22 years, modern medicine and a decent income…the *legal* options are a lot broader.

Nothing of Consequence

Well….this is awkward. What to say…what…to…say…

I have three weeks before starting up the next IVF, but surely I can come up with some witty and non-follicle related tidbits to tide you over… I have been literally FROZEN at the keyboard, void of thought, void of anything newsy or noteworthy. I thought, well I’ll write about fashion, but what more is there to say about fashion other than apparently pants are out? There’s a whole bottoms-are-not-required movement right now courtesy of La Lohan and other L.A. trashionistas. I like to consider myself atop of the trends, but crotchless ensembles just don’t fly when a) you work in an office and b) you’re 40.

I thought about discussing photography, but meh… I’m uninspired. What about cooking? Well even the dinner party I have grand designs for might be replaced with a quick order from Pizza Hut and a desire to just get shitfaced (oh relax I won’t, although secretly I know the guests wouldn’t mind)… So anyway, the point is that it doesn’t leave much to quip about… I could gossip about the people in my life, but unless I want to stir up a big old bag of mess, and lose my measley, but loyal readership, I’d best not.

I think I need to spare you from my mind running amuck and stick to the subject at hand. So hang in there…just a few more weeks and we’re back in (baby) business!

Plan P.1.c.

Ok...so back to the drawing board. Our next plan of attack is IVF AFTER a priming cycle. That's what we're calling this past month - a primer...and I better be primed and ready like I've never been before, because otherwise I think my head might explode.

Our next cycle will start beginning of November. Our friends P&N invited us to Vegas for her 40th birthday. We were on board - we didn't care about the money because we are in over our heads as it is. We felt like this was a one-shot opportunity to do Vegas, in style, and with friends. Bit of a dream for me (except that I've missed my opportunity to see Celine Dion. Don't judge me.)

Anyway, turns out that I will be on injections and needing to be monitored when we are to be in Vegas and this just doesn't work. Plus I want to be able to have a glass of wine with dinner, or a drink by the pool, or get all exhausted saying up dancing til god knows when, or come home as the sun is rising - you know, Vegas stuff...but it is not to be. We can't even suspend the IVF because we'll lose the effects of the priming cycle. Believe me I've thought through all the options.

So, instead of Vegas we stay home for another round of full-filled injections. I wish IVF were more of a sure thing...like winning money in Vegas.

The Silver Lining

So its only been 24 hours since the news and apparently I am moving on quicker than I thought. I might even have a bit of a kick in my step. I chalk it up to the raging hormonal nightmare one can be near the end of a medicated TWW - inconsolable, unreasonable, intolerable…and although AF is the last thing you want to see, it also brings a certain peace and balance – it snaps you from one personality to another. It’s the silver lining in a not so good turn of events.

I can’t bring myself to be upset. Life’s too short for misery and even if I moped around the office, looking forlorn and defeated, I would find myself cracking up at my own attempt…because it’s just not me. Maybe its because I’ve spent so much time being upset over negatives that I’ve realized its just a big fat waste of time. I hope the people in my life will really hear this and realize that it’s ok for them to be ok too – and to trust I am no where even close to being depressed. Sure, I have my moments, but they are so fleeting and tend to be aligned with the things I can’t control – like hormones. But I don’t want anyone being upset by anything I go through, ALRIGHT? I am one tough cookie and can handle this stuff, don’t think I can’t.

So, don't cry for me Argentina...(you know who you are).

The Fat Lady is Back Stage, Warming Up

I hope she trips on a cord and falls on her face before she makes it to center stage. I’d love that.

Today is 12 dpo and it started – red spotting. Whether its “spotting” or “period” is beyond me. It’s red if that’s any help. I, of course, feel miserably defeated. I was told to call the clinic if I were to “spot” before October 1…so I did. She told me to come on up and get a blood test (2 days early). She said they would be able to tell by today anyway, and that if I were pregnant they could get a jumpstart on fixing the bleeding by adjusting or supplementing my progesterone intake…

So we wait. 2 hours…

I hate this part.

UPDATE:
1 hour has elapsed and with each passing minute AF gets stronger and angrier...super duper.

UPDATE UPDATE:
The fat lady made it to center stage and is belting out her best aria...confirmed by bloodwork. Thank you to everyone who chimed in or just read along - I really appreciate everyone's support. xo

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Ok I GET that everyone is pregnant or off on mat leave…and I GET that I am a popular person around the work place…and I GET that people are genuinely happy for my friends who are (I'll repeat) ALL OFF ON MAT LEAVE , but what I don’t get is that I am constantly being questioned about everyone’s whereabouts. Here is a typical example of a conversation between me and a work acquaintance…

(note this is no one in particular)

Heeeey Lisa, how's it going?
Oh I'm fine, how are...
So, where’s ****?
Oh, she’s off on mat leave.
She is? OMG I didn’t even know she was pregnant! Wow…when did she have her baby?
Um…it was in the summer sometime.
OMG!! Really – that’s terrific! What did she have?
A boy.
A boy!! What a miracle! What did they name him?
Hitler
What a BEE-EAUTIFUL name. Where did they get that from?
(OH I don’t effing know…honestly why would I know this? Make something up…) I think it was her grandfather’s name.
Oooh (sigh) it’s lovely to keep the names in the family don’t you think? What about ***** - where is she these days?
Um, yep she’s off on mat leave.
Oh wonderful! So they can get together and have play dates!
Yyyep.
And what about that other girl in HR…what was her name again? ****? Whatever happened to her?
She’s off on mat leave.
OMG YOU’RE JOKING! Wow – don’t drink the water around here!!! BWAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!
“ha… ha-ha.” (Trust me it doesn’t work)

This goes on for what seems like an eternity. Trust me when I say I am not a poor sport – I think its great that they are all pregnant and off and enjoying their little ones…but does it have to always be me that gets grilled as to the whereabouts of my fertile work friends? Talk about rubbing salt in a wound!

Beta, Baby

I guess I haven’t been clear about when I will be testing so here it is …OCTOBER 1. October 1 is the big fat day…lets hope it’s a big fat something else.

One Week and Counting

Of course all of my Peaches-in-waiting will be secretly wishing I would POAS as they will be tripping over themselves with excitement. I understand it completely, and no one wants this more for me than them, BUT I have decided why bother when I have to be tested at the clinic anyway? There’s no point. Say I tested early, and it’s a negative…I STILL have to go to that insulting blood test knowing full well its only going to confirm what we already know. Its like a double whammy of negatives. Home testing is for ferts, I've determined. For me? Well here's what happens:

Me: Chris...I think we have a shot this month!
Chris: I hope so hon.
Me: Do you think I should test?
Chris: If you want.
Me: Wouldn't it just be freakin' amazing?
Chris: Sure would.
Me: I'm gonna do it - I mean why not? It will put me out of my misery.
Chris: Okay if you think so.

(Tinkle Tinkle...wait...pace...)

Me: M*THER F*CKER!

We’ve learned our lesson…many many times. So, let it be like ripping off a Band-Aid – sharp but quick. No point in pulling up the corners.

The Thing about Blogging…

Is that in order for your readers to keep coming back for more, you have to capture them. You have to make it impossible for them to miss what’s going to happen next. It has to be entertaining, dynamic, funny, different… This blog is absolutely about showing you the lighter side of infertility, if such a thing exists.

So what happens when it’s not so funny? Is it still entertaining? I don’t think so, so I find myself more often than not finding the humour in something, even on a bad day. Well today I can’t find the humour in anything. I went to the clinic. Blood Wench was nice – told me I “looked pretty”. Fine, no blog fodder from her today. The ultrasound was the most depressing part because the tech said, “oooh, lining isn’t good.” I asked what it was and she said that it was 6mm, and it needed to be at least 7mm (I think best case scenario is a thick n’ juicy 10mm). When did I become such an under-achiever? This is just another bloody thing…now if I have any struggling embryos floating around, gasping for life, they don’t stand a chance burrowing into my weak and wilting uterus. It’s like “Tent City” in there. A pathetic and undesirable place to live.

Real funny stuff.

Snap Crackle Pop - OOOOOWE!!

I've always had ovulation cramping - sometimes so intense I can feel it happening. Well its happening right now except I'm ovulating X 5. I have 5-6 follicles that are breaking free...as much as this pleases me, I'm a doubled-over yard sale.

Nurse Bi-Polar was there during the IUI. She was all smiley, nice and concerned. I think I was staring at her funny because she said "are you ok?" I wanted to ask her "What happened? Are you being nice because the doctor is right there? Or is it that you are just not a morning person? Or did you read my blog and have realized you're a freakin' yo-yo?" But what came out was "cramps."

The procedure was a snap other than the searing pain down below from the cramping. It took no more than a couple of minutes. The doctor said "nice cervix!" and I was like "oh stop you! You're making me blush!", not that he could see my face.

Alright then - report back over the next few days for "IPS" (imaginary pregnancy symptoms).